What a f**ked up world we live in.

Today has been a happy sad happy not so sure day. Happy to be back at work. Never have I enjoyed a job more so than the one I have. Perhaps because I have had some time off? Unlikely as 1) I had a cold 2) My brief experience of adopting a stalker. No let me re-phrase that, a lady who wanted a little too much than I could give but couldn't take no for an answer. Until now.

The happy bit. Being back at work was loads of fun and good to be back in with my fellow professional workers.

The sad bit. Hearing the loveliest, closest soul mate being upset about something I cannot say made my heart sink, my involvement in it was even sadder. At the same time, I realised that the complication that has arisen had not been of my own making but of someone else. I have a lot of time for these two people and regard them as wonderful, fun loving, exciting friends but to hear one who I regard especially close to my heart as sad as she was made me feel helpless. I hope things work out for the better and indeed I really hope that in the grand scheme of things that this matter can work itself out.

I learned a lesson in honesty in relationships the hard way. I once had a relationship where my honesty made hell for me and ended very acrimoniously (I can't spell). That lady in question had issues with the world and the devil himself. It didn't stop me from being as truthful and as honest I could be with my last relationship. To this day I stand by being as open and honest with the person you love even if it occasionally means to suffer the irritation/anger/hurt of the other half for a relative brief moment. Open and honesty don't always make excuses for insensitivity if one can apply a degree of diplomacy to the scenario. Diplomacy on the otherhand didn't work with the psycho lawyer that I eventually left.

Consider a modern day problem with marriage. Life, society has made the concept "married for life" an almost laughable idea. Surely no-one these days gets married for life? Take a friend of mine, Pickle who seems to be going through this phase. Getting married has become much easier these days because so has getting divorced. I'm sure at the height of the modern concept of marriage, it was conclusive to get divorced, no, obligatory to get divorced after four years, give or take a couple. To hell with it, at one point one didn't even have to tell anyone that they were getting married. They just did it. What a sad state of affairs when it got that bad.

Call me an old fashioned romantic but I still believe in sharing my life with someone for the rest of my life and never looking back. By this I do mean getting married. It for me is still a very serious and sacred commitment that people should never walk away from. The problem may lie with how easy it is to get married without getting to know the person. I think this statement is wrong also. Its not about getting to know the person; that takes time. Its about having trust and being equals and at the very most respect. These three things (apart finding that your beloved is the sexiest and the most horny looking person ever) are what make that traditional eighty year (or as near as damn it) marriage possible. There are other secondary elements like a good sense of humour, a big **** (for men) or big **** (for women); I only jest, that helps.

A final note from me. By the way, I have American Pie 2 on the telly at the moment, the bit with the lesbian dare, not putting me off with my...oh my god....sensible preaching at all....Shit I forgot what I was going to say.....

Oh yes. Oh no. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. YES. NO!!! NO!!! NO WAY!!!

......the whole marriage commitment thing has to be 100 percent. Ever a little unsure? Not quite ready for it but love the person? Then wait. Then wait a little longer....Take some time out from the world. Maybe just for a day until you are sure you know thats what you want....that person if its with you are with at the moment or if its someone out there waiting for you can wait..

Peace, love and contentment...

Signing off for tonight.