Saturday, April 21, 2007


As most will know I care a lot about our planet. I've written a few things on the subject. There was an occasion last weekend during a hazy moment that I realised something about the planet. All living things breathe. All animals breathe oxygen and expel carbon dioxide. Some breath fast and others slowly. Some breathe faster when running and slower when sleeping. We all breathe. But what about the planet? Did anyone consider what the planet is doing? The very source of what keeps us breathing is dying. Our planet breathes too. It breathes through our trees and plants. Did anyone consider that our planet breathes very, very slowly. Breathes carbon dioxide by night and oxygen by day. So while governments do little to conserve the great forests (the lungs of our planet), are very aware that without them, we will suffocate ourselves. But as with everything, we as human beings have all the deniability of a sixty a day chain smoker who thinks smoking doesn't kill.

Saturday, April 07, 2007

Political Correctness

Just following on from the last post I must admit I was in the thick of the nineties political correctness. I was a university student at the time and I must admit whilst defining my identity after years of parental influence I experimented with PC'ness. On hindsight I will admit to feeling a little foolish about some of the opinions I held. But f**k it I got a few shags along the way. Oh dear. How un-PC was that! No seriously I find like with any kind of rebellion that there is an opposing reaction. The seventies and eighties were very much dominated by masculinity. The backlash of that were the nineties. Hey ho swings and roundabouts. Are we approaching some form of equilibrium? Or dare I say a form of utopia? Who knows.

As I'm writing this I am waiting in anticipation of Amir Khan boxing tonight. I wonder if this time around he'll fall. I hope not. He is one of our great british hope. Bring it on!!

My prediction for this evenings result. Amir to win, just and Joe to destroy the "Contender" upstart. I've never been a fan of American boxers just because most of them carry such vicious attitudes that clearly set themselves up for a spectacular fall should they lose. Big it up for British boxing!!

British Heavy weights

Boxing for anything under the heavy weight division in Britain is coming home. All our best fighters are proving their worth on the international scene. And about time too. Ever since Nasim Hamed lost to Barrera, Britain had nothing to offer. Maybe Joe Calzaghe. Where do our hopes lie with the heavy weights? Michael Sprott? Don't think so. So he beat Audley Harrison. Harrison beat Williams. Williams beat Harrison. Skelton beat Williams. Williams beat Skelton. So what. Hardly the most thrilling of matches. Williams lost to Klitschko. Klitschko wants a fight with the Beast from the East. That's a proper pairing. Who is the Beast from the East? He is Nikolai Valuev. At over seven feet tall, he is the heaviest recognised boxer ever.

One interesting question someone asked me was what is fascination of two blokes or women beating the shit out of each other? I thought about this for all of about two seconds and came up with the answer. Take a seven foot fat bastard weighing twenty stone and put him up against a ten stone boxer and guaranteed the boxer would win. Why? Because a decent head shot would put the bigger bloke down. Its not about the sizeable difference, its about the ability to fight with some class and gentlmently conduct. We have all seen bar room brawls in our time and its not fair and its not pretty. The art of boxing is clearly a testosterone driven sport. The world needs it and indeed its a part of human nature. Going back in time, wars were won by nominating the hardest f**ker from each opposing army rather than risk the mortality of thousands of soldiers. I suspect boxing carries an element of this. Much like most sport. Okay I'm rambling a little but my point being that people enjoy watching the sport and it will continue. Besides boxing at its lowest ebb was in danger during the nineties brigade of politically correctness of being banned. The sport survived.

A New Boxing Hero

Enzo Maccarinelli. Tough surname to spell without looking it up. What a fighter! I look forward to Saturday night boxing. It almost rivals my fondness for Formula 1. Its only the second time I've seen him fight. Tonight was against Bobby Gunn. A total mismatch if ever I saw one but I tell you what, the man can punch; hard. Poor Gunn was clearly out gunned. I felt sorry for the poor man. It is a little disappointing to see that kind of match but it was a good demonstration about the power of Enzo. Solid punches and well placed ones too. A good quality boxer who has purpose to his game.

The quality of boxing has come back from the terrible days of Audley Harrison et al. More importantly quality boxing on free TV! As I'm writing this just after the mandatory watershed, I hear Enzo Calzaghe giving his boxer (no not Joe) the riot act. What a pleasant suprise to hear the F word on the telly.

Whilst recovering from last nights antics at "The Boy"'s event in Whitechapel I wondered if when I get to a pensionable age whether or not I would find some of the things televised shocking. Elements of TV at the moment do occasionally raise an eyebrow but nothing more than that. Programmes such as "The Word" and "Eurotrash" certainly caused a young Twodarts some amusement to watch the folks cringing at some of the more unusual practices of our european cousins. Eurotrash was usually commentated with a bout of tutting and sighing from my Mum and Dad preceeding the inevitable flicking channels (for there were only four at the time) until a marching order was issued to the bedroom for a good nights rest. Occassionally Pa twodarts and Ma twodarts would drift off to sleep allowing much amusement for me and sister Twodarts.


Once I was an avid reader of such choice publications like FHM and Maxim. These days I read something for the mature batchelor. Arena. Whilst reading an article about something or other, there was mention about the fact that human beings have not evolved for the last 100,000 years. How bizzare? Or more to the point how true is that?

Lets say for arguements sake that it is true. Why haven't we evolved? Upon waking from a heavy night out on the town the other night it struck me that there is a very clear and obvious reason as to why we have stopped evolving. Human kind has since the beginning tried to find ways to cure illnesses. Medicines, potions and even hocus pocus magic have been used to cure us of such vile diseases. To our detriment. Medicine prevents evolution. Okay, man made medicine. Of course plants provide the majority of cures for various illnesses. But in our effort to find an effective and total cure for such things as cancer, terminal illnesses etc, we have produced treatments that cannot be considered natural. I wonder if the very treatments that prevent us from falling ill are actually doing us evolutionary harm by not allowing mother nature to sort out the weak from the strong. By preventing the spread of disease we promote the over population of the human species. Over population ultimately leads to more health related problems. So eventually leads to more medical cures.

Does this make any sense? How else does evolution work? I find taking pain killers for back pain to numb the pain a little strange. Why when your body is telling you that there is something wrong do we hide it by taking pain killers? Admittedly I've taken pain killers for back pain so that I might sleep better and not to get back to work as I have heard many people do.

Are we denying ourselves to evolve? Most probably. I'm no scientist but do we really think of the consequences of our actions? A perfect example of this is global warming. Did we ever anticipate at the beginning of the industrial age that we could have such an impact on our environment? No. But a lesson learned. Are we doing anything about it? Sort of. But for those who put economy over environmental issues will surely slow the process for stabilsing our planet.

Perhaps we too should look to how we are affecting our evolution. May be we should start looking to natural cures. Any one watch Medcine Man?

Friday, April 06, 2007


Back ache, flu, head aches are all bearable. The common cold is not. Snot. Geddit? Okay stop with the school boy humour. Whilst recovering from a cold. It takes forever to get rid of the stuff, I blew into my handkerchief and noticed the exceptionally green stuff that came out. Almost emerald in colour. Then I asked myself, "why so?". Here is the answer:

"The green colour is due to immune cells called neutrophils. These are the first cells to appear when bacteria start infecting the nasopharynx. Neutrophils will engulf the bacteria (phagocytosis) and begin to destroy them within themselves using potent digestive enzymes (amongst other things, another being hydrogen peroxide). One of these is lactoferrin and other enzymes are dependent on iron for their activity. The colouration therefore comes from the iron. Ferrous iron compounds are green. It turns yellow the bacteria have been around for a while and other cells start moving in and dying "

There you are. An explanation by a doctor from Wales. For another angle on snot, I found an australians explanation for snot as follows:

"It is not so much the snot which is green as the phlegm component, and this is only when it is infected. Neither healthy snot nor phlegm is really green. It becomes so in the presence of infection because of the large numbers of white blood cells present, which make their way through the airway walls to combat the infection. They also give pus a whitish-green colour. So it should be white but it's snot."

Of the two explanation's I can confidently say that the second description will put me off food for a while.


I have probably mentioned before that I am never envious of people and their good fortunes. I am probably this way as I know of too many people that like to do nothing better than get jealous and envious of people good luck. Its quite sad to see people seething at people's good luck. Makes them look pathetic. So whilst many of my friends are purchasing Xbox360's and PS3's etc, I am quite content with my ultra fast Dell XPS. For those that don't know what it is. Its a very fast PC designed to play games. Its now two years old and can still hold its own. I heard news that the hugely popular driving game Test Drive Unlimited was coming to our shores. It's been out on the Xbox360 and other consoles for some time. With the advent of high speed broadband connections I was able to download the whole game for a moderate price. No need to visit Croydon town centre and dodge the chav's. After 3 hours of downloading the game, I installed it and of I went. For an amazing three hours without realising the time. It is a game to be experienced. I am a test drive veteran. I bought the very first game on my Amiga A500 and followed its progress with much enthusiasm. This modern day version is technologically and graphically the best. Full stop. The Need for Speed series are fine games but nothing is as complete as this. There are one thousand miles of Hawaian road to travel on and unlike other games where you have to wait for the game to load the next set of tracks, this does this seamlessly. It is a welcome distraction and a good reason to stay in rather than go to the pub. Buy it now.


There was a lady I dated a while back. Admittedly through a little too much enthusiasm on my part I stuffed it up. We still remain friends however. Something touched me the other weekend. I was at my Dad's local when in she walked with a couple of friends. My family and I together with Guiness were sat talking away in the way we do. I called her over at a point in the evening whereby I introduced her to my gang. I was pleasantly suprised how easily she got chatting away to my Mum. It was later that night how she exclaimed how cool it was to hang out with my folks and how she admired how relaxed with each other we were. This is something I had not noticed. Its just the way we are. Then it twigged as she hinted at the fact that she doesn't have the same family unit. Her parents are thousands of miles apart, separated from each other. It was only through her admiration for what I have that made me appreciate that very thing I do have. Admittedly I also hoped that I scored some points in perhaps reigniting that failed date. Not quite.

Booze and Fag's

My mate the ex-marine, I shall call him Action Man, and I spoke at length about life, the universe and women for quite some time on Monday. It was at some point he made me realise how I can make a change in lifestyle for the better. As I may have mentioned before, his body is a temple and he takes care of himself. There is nothing remotely camp about it, just commonsense. I look back at the number years I have sustained this lifestyle of boozing and smoking, dabbling in the occassional pill, powder and "smoke". Not to the extreme of say Keith Richards et al. But enough is enough. They say knowing of a problem and realising that it is problematic is the first step in healing. Okay. Wise words whoever said that. Easier said than done is another set of wise words too. Everyone adopts a lifestyle. Good, bad or indifferent. Its a matter of perspective. Doctors would say I lead a poor lifestyle. I would agree. Changing it is tough. Most social aspects of my life involve bars and pubs. Most of my friends prefer those locations too. I've tried pursuading some friends to try something different, like doing some kind of sporting activity. Going for walks etc. Admittedly these suggestions take place whilst on the fifth pint. Typically nothing becomes of it.

Last night, I was out with a load of friends at karaoke night. There were some people who I hadn't seen for years and some I couldn't wait to see again. A real success of a night. And one with booze and fag's. Where I have left my local boozer and decided that drinking elsewherer would expose me to new experiences, I am still exactly where I started. Booze and fag's. July will see to the smoking. But not the booze.

I've been invited tonight to a gig in near Jack the Ripper's old haunt. Jack the Ripper has no relevance on this topic. A social occassion. A chance to maybe meet Miss Right. More booze and more fag's. Is it really possible to walk into such venues drinking just juice or a soft drink for the entire duration? I think I'd make a terrible pregnant woman. I don't think I could.

One of the toughest decisions I am about to make is changing this lifestyle for another. I had a moment recently that scared me and made me realise my mortality. There is nothing quite like that moment when you realise how precious life really is. Time stops. Every thought is put on hold. All worries disappear. Its then that you ask youself, do you want to live? The answer is always going to be the same.

Will I be envangelical if I adopt a new lifestyle? There is a chance I may. But only temporarily. Action Man has already invited me to join him at the gym one day. I'd be stupid not to.

Barry's Beef off to the glue factory?

My mate Barry seems to going through a mid blog crisis. If I read correctly, he's taken a sabbatical this easter period. For reasons only he may know, we may or may not hear from the old bullock. It is true that when one enters the world of blogging that one has to feed the beast. But the thing that we lose sight of is the purpose or the reason we started a blog. I for one thought it a good way to open that valve of a pressure cooker environment I live in. In a world where gutsy opinion is stifled by virtue of the culture we live in, anonymising (is that a real word?) oneself makes it a little easier to say what we really want to say. Along with our online opinions occasionally attracts a population of readers. It is those readers that is the beast that needs feeding. Only if you want to. I for one have spent weeks without updating my blog for one reason or another. Usually its down to drug fuelled sex binges the night before. (Yes, alright, you can stop laughing, I am lying). My attitude towards blogging has always been the same. My blog is for me, what I write is my own, and who or what I write about is about me. Self obsessed? Not at all. What does one write about in a diary? Because that is essentially in its truest form what a blog is. Does one keep a diary about another person? That amounts to stalking and I'm sure the law that is in our fine country will find a way to convict that individual.

So Barry my friend, take a chill pill, its your blog, and blog if you want to. You'll be missed if you stop blogging. And if you do then I for one will miss reading your load of old bullocks.

Summary of the week

Nothing is quite as disturbing as a mate of mine showing me his sexual conquest on his mobile phone. Video evidence if you get my drift.

Yet another colleague and friend is leaving work for another job paying more. His excuse is like any other. Need more money for a family. It is worrying when so many good people are leaving at once. It makes me wonder if they know something that I do not. The company I work for is haemoraging employees at the moment. Normally this kind of thing doesn't bother me, but at the same time as people are leaving they seem to be lessening the opportunity for promotion by simply putting people who have been there for sometime in promotional opportunities by default. Bad practice indeed and will likely to upset a lot of apple carts.

I met a very attractive lady with some of the biggest hands on the planet. Wow! I would've taken a picture if I could taken one without being slapped with one of those jumbo sized paws.

Another week has past and much like the one before women have come and gone. Don't get me wrong, women aplenty to talk to, but not single ones. I must attract the wrong kind clearly. Apparently the trick to attracting a women is not to be nice. I just don't get it. Be a bastard and supposedly some kind of miracle occurs. I don't think so. That little bit of advice came from a lady friend of mine. All the more worrying if it were true. The modern woman likes to be treated mean?

My arm still hurts as a consequence of attempting to drunkenly arm wrestle the kebab shop man. Oh and yes, I broke my vow of a healthier lifestyle on Wednesday.

Mr Jinx (my cat) has been trying to speak to me in catlish. I'm sure that he really does try and talk in english but due to his vocal chords can only muster something like a muffled miaow.

Getting sound advice from a friend of mine who treats his body like a temple. An ex-marine no less and one part of a party of single blokes who go out on the pull a couple of times a month. I arm wrestled him too compounding the pain in my arm.

Its amazing how after several days off the booze and fags how it is incredibly easy to get hammered on just a couple of pints. I vaguely remember Wednesday night collecting my kebab, catching the bus and attempting to follow an imaginary straight line only to realise I'm not and suddenly spotting the lady I see every morning walking a little way behind me no doubt having a laugh at my expense.

Good deed for the week? Last night after declining an offer to fill my nose with colombian marching powder, I alighted a train home early'ish. Whilst struggling to stop myself from pissing myself laughing at the conversation two young teenage chavvy girls were having, I noticed this poor woman, very pretty, and very pissed, falling asleep. There is nothing more unfortunate than such a picture of a lady who is about to fall off her chair. So as quick as lightening, I reached in front of me and caught her shoulder before she fell off. With that she thanked me, checked for drool, checked that she hadn't missed her stop and started to nod off. Just a couple of stops before mine I gently tapped her on the shoulder and pointed to the station sign as a gentle reminder to her not to nod off otherwise she'd miss her stop. Not a thing to do when pissed. I think she appreciated the gesture and busied herself with her mobile phone and then make up.

On the point of missing a stop. There is no place worse for me than having to get off at West Norwood station. It is for me the biggest pain in the arse for a few of reasons. It is a shit hole of a place during the day let alone at night in a drunken haze. There are no handy cab firms anywhere near the station let alone any licenced cabs waiting there for the commuter. West Norwood happens to be far enough to contemplate not to walk home but teasingly to do so if one is brave enough. It is however very much an uphill climb home. I've done it. It took an hour of fast walking.

So it was one evening that I ended up at this crap hole of a place. Pissed off again that I had nodded off and pissed off that I knew I could walk home but I wouldn't as the area is of the most unsavory variety at that time of night. Pissed off that that was the last train. Pissed off that there were no cab firms around. A moment of genius occurred when I spotted an Indian Restaurant. With hope and faith that this place would be a sanctuary for me and a place to call a cab off I headed. Upon entering the rather plush place I was greeted with some very polite waiters to kindly told me the restaurant was shut. It didn't matter to me as all I wanted was a cab. It was then that one of the guys asked where I was headed. So I told him to which he said that he was going in that direction. Saved! As we set off he asked me how much I would normally have paid for the journey so I truthfully told him and he accepted my offer. As stopped outside my flat, and I handed over the money I asked him if he was going back to the restaurant, he gleefully told me that he lived only a couple of streets away and he was off home! Talk about making money out of someones misery! At least I got home safe. (Penny pinching bastard!).

Sunday, April 01, 2007


The wonderful thing about the internet is that it makes the average human being seem more intelligent. No. Thats not entirely true. Encylopedia's have been around for a very long time. Does anyone remember owning a set? The ones that take up an entire shelf the length of the living room. And why on earth are they kept in the living room? Have I deliberately betrayed my "working class" background? Surely if I came from the silver spoon brigade then it would be the study. I digress. The kind of people displaying these books of knowledge very rarely used them anyway. They might as well have had a load of false book spines glued together. And probably to hide the dodgy home made porn videos.

The internet is an amazing invention. Got a question? Just type it in and more often than not you'll get a correct answer. A friend of mine described that once that wasn't the case. The information on the internet was subjective. There is/was some truth to it. Yeah and for years I thought my mother was right in saying that the Tooth fairy really did exist. Who do you believe? I have the temptation to step into the whole religion argument again but I won't. Oh okay I will for a moment. Who'd be foolish enough to believe one man's word about a higher being. Oops. That already happened.

If we aren't already there then we are on the cusp of a significant change in the way we think. Will the phrase "knowledge is power" extend beyond politics? Or will "its not what you know but who you know" seem irrelevant? The internet makes our lives easier. It makes people much more tolerant of each other. It empowers people to make more informed decisons.

Are there any negative aspects to the internet? Of course there are. Future generations could be seen as hugely over weight, pasty, spectacled, non-speaking geeks. Socially inept. The art of conversation will die. They will however be able to type eighty words per minute; with their feet. Technology is not a natural thing. It is truely man made. And because it is, it will inherently be detrimental to our existence.

I had a friend of mine who I dated briefly. Just before the date, she mentioned how communication (and she is an expert at it) these days seems so much less effectual due to email and mobile phone text messaging. And she is correct. How can one articulate oneself using emoticons etc? She said that the art of conversation is dying. Talking is one of our most primeval assets. Peace and understanding have been achieved though the simple act of face to face communication. Some might say wars too have started in the same way. Well you can't have everything eh?

I hope that despite all the advances in technology, we never lose the ability to communicate as nature intended.