Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Weather Balloons

A persistent question I've wanted to ask ever since I read my mate Guiness's comment in an earlier post was a mention of a Darwin award to a bloke who wanted to reach out like the guy with waxy wings to see if the Sun was as small as that? Did it take just the one balloon ? I mean how much did he have to weigh plus the couch in order to fulfill his dream of floating up to the stratosphere? Without sounding strange'ist but what kind of a weird fucker would contemplate doing that let alone doing that!?

One more thing. Are we as "normal" people qualified to define stupidity as a point in our lives where we have all once (past experience) been stupid? Is our definition of stupidity a statement of how far we are on the society ladder? Surely stupidity works on an intellectual level. As does blind arrogance which in itself lends itself to stupidity. Infact are the extremities of stupidity suggesting the beginning of innocence? Think about an innocent five year old walking down a london high street and saying "Mummy, why is that man black?" Does that sound stupid or is that simply an innocent observation? Some people may have the mentality of a five year old. Does that make them innocent or simply retarded? And not in the traditional sense. Or perhaps the retrograde mentality of the antagontist implies that as a culture that the culture is retarded...

Note on the Guiness Rant

Just re-read your parting comment and as I know your wonderful sense of humour I too would be inclinde to agree. Lets round them all up and with a branding iron, call them stupidity. But please bear in mind that when that happens you bring these moron to band together (as observed in your earlier point). As this happens and they are seen as pariahs, and most likely ridiculed, something that history has shown us; from once they were weak minded babbling fools, to in strength in numbers they grow (cue biblical music) till one day they announce themselves to the world. A new order! A new way of thinking! A new religion! Stupidism. They will infliterate our governments (its already happened in America), our schools will not longer be safe haven for religious indifference. All those who oppose Stupidism will have to wear arm bands as a mark of identity of the non believers. The skies will darken and rain turns to blood with which rivers will flow.......have I got carried away?

Twisted Logic part Deux

Whilst reading the news this morning I came across the sad news of five teenagers who died in a horrific car crash. Basically, they had stolen a Rover Metro car and eventually smashed into three walls, a lamp post and a car. A terrible waste of life. But perhaps it could have been prevented. Taking the David Cameron, hug a hoodie approach, had some rich old bastard conviniently left the keys to his Mercedes S500 in the lock, then potentially this fatality could have been avoided. Rover Metros are renound for folding like paper just by hitting a pebble. Take care of your friendly local hoodie. Give them the security they need. You can't beat a Merc.

What a terrible thing I've said. Nope. Not really. For one, where the hell did hoodie culture spring up from? Why has society gone all soft on these feral beasts that cause nothing but fear and paranoia in the decent working people. And pensioners. At the first sign of feral type symptoms, off to the Borstal they go. The thought of a bit of harmless ass raping by some seven foot, twenty stone, seventeen year old thug might make them think about stealing, mugging, beating someone. In my day the fear of god, were my parents. If I was ever caught doing something I shouldn't, then boy I would be petrified at the thought of my Dad ever finding out. Have some parents of this day and age lost all sense of discipline? That programme, Lads Army has the right idea. Bring back national service and get these idiots doing something useful.

The really sad thing about the failure of our system is that two of the lads in the accident had already been issued an ASBO. Looking at the pictures of those poor kids I can only say that was a tragic shame they lost their lives and for them to miss out on the wonders of what may have been. Incidentally, the article read was of an inquest into the manner of the accident.

Twisted Logic and Stereo Typing.

Whilst on my journey home after a pointless night at the boozer the bus had come to an abrupt halt as a little further up the road were lots of police cars and an ambulance was trying to cut its way through traffic. Interestingly the location for this event happened to be good old Brixton. As I approach the scene of what looked like an accident, that the way the young fellow looked and given that it was Brixton that he'd been shot. As I continued further to walk to get another bus I felt mortified about my own conclusion. What evidence did I have to arrive at this conclusion, and all I had were a bunch of statistics that I had read earlier in the year. I felt full of shame...until that is I heard other people muttering that they heard sounds of gun shots. In a twisted kind of way, that made me feel a little better.

On a final note. I remember having a pleasant conversation with a pleasant french man. But I was probably talking a load of bollocks.

In Response to Guiness

Thanks for your emotive response in your earlier comment. Yes indeed. Like you I had no interest in CBB and never have done. For anyone who seems to think that the antics of hand picked idiots on screen is going to cause an international incident and even make mention in Parliament is likely to be an idiot themselves. Hang on, it did.

Bigotry, racism, igorance, (or word of the month in the context of this article) plays a part in all cultures. It is not one way racism. It can be quiet un-nerving the first time I ever heard blatant racism within the indian culture. I was mortified that for all the racism I experienced, here for the first time I heard people that I once felt a part of suddenly tear down my beliefs that we were the ones who were victims. Certain relatives would say the most outrageous things. And at the same time when confronted with the accusation that they too are racist, the same reaction occurs. "Of course I'm not" or "I'm only joking." What a load of rubbish. It seems as though this form of counter-stupidity/racism only stokes this perpetual fire.

Perhaps this is why I like so many feel it better to shed a part of that identity that we inherit for an identity that we can truly call our own.

TV show or not, yes stupidity exists in all cultures, the frightening thing is that those with extreme racist, fascist, ignorant beliefs tend to whisper and mutter behind closed doors. One can only imagine the kind of real hatred they have. Simmering away in the quiet of their homes. Its those types of people who clearly haven't grasped the opportunity to embrace multiculturalism. Some say multiculturalism is a dilution of the fabric of Britishness. I also seem to remember the British Empire starting this all off. Inadvertently of course. I think as a nation we should be extremely proud in the way that as a whole we embrace all the multitudes of society, culture, race and religion. I think despite some of the inherited problems faced with our multi-culturalism we lead a more tolerant, and colourful life.

Incidentally, the nickname Guiness is not for that fact that Guiness is of Irish descent but its the only bloody thing I see him drink. And by rights Guiness could christen me a nickname based on my drinking habits too but that would mean it would be something like:


Sunday, January 28, 2007

Big Bother

So a bunch of egos have left the Big Brother house and the controversy ends.....with a big moral vote, Shilpa Shetti wins and we can all feel proud of our selves for resurrecting that veil that is utopia. So voting for Shilpa, "The Indian" redeems the under current of racism in this country. What a joke. Am I suggesting that all Brits are a bunch of shallow characters; that we are too afraid to acknowledge the coal face prejudices that linger in our society? Now that would be too close to the bone. What if I were to suggest that we are a society of people too afraid to understand our own personal prejudice that we make an example and a scape goat of someone like Jade Goody? I for one as a British Indian find this whole spectacle interesting. I have a great many friends from all walks of life and from different cultures. The culture that defines me are my friends, my family, my lifestyle and my self awareness and awareness of others. People like my friends and I never see skin colour or cultural differences. Infact I'd like to think we are not even aware of it. I am proud to be one of many; and thankfully in a melting pot like in a cosmopolitan city like London to be a part of a new culture that does not recognise social or cultural difference as an excuse for prejudice, and that is wonderful.

Prejudice of some kind will always play a part in human nature for that is who we are and how we behave. But prejudice also plays a part in deciding between what is right and what is wrong. Without such a thing as that then what would become of people who willfully commit crime and disorder?

I watched the highlights of the last few weeks of the events in the CBB household tonight and there were things that I was shocked to hear. So were a great many people. But what I am truly shocked by is my own ignorance. How could I have thought such sour, narrow minded people were a thing of the past because it is as real as day and night. I thought yes it exists but only in the small minded racists that thankfully I don't have to see or hear everyday. But shockingly as by virtue of being I assumed (stupidly) a celebrity that they would at least have an understanding of the diversity of culture. How wrong I am. I could mention bullying. Prejudice of a different crime.

I have in my youth been a victim of terrible prejudice, racism at its most cruelest. There is nothing worse as a child than to question why for the sake of who you are that you aren't excepted as part of the community for the simple reason of the colour of ones skin and the different culture that one has been born into. Some say the fittest always survive. Adaptation always survives. So for all those who fear change and will not accept change, where else will they have to go? And what can they do about it when everyone else does change....

A state of mind

Not that I'm counting the months that I have been single for. Okay, so I am.. A thought occurred to me just this minute about the subject. Can it be true that as long as one constantly reminds himself or herself that they are single that they are likely to remain so? There must have some truth to it. Perhaps the only time when one is truely happy is when one forgets about the fact that they are single. Perhaps then only can they/we find the happiness that we are looking for. And I'm not talking about finding that special person. I suppose it must be about being happy. Full stop. Which ever way that works out. The other day I thought about the "what ifs" and "what if I..." and concluded the same thing over and over again. What if I realise that what has happened and what consequences that followed are just a form of change that forever we all go through. Some people find it hard to accept this basic rule of life. Things change constantly no matter how colourful or bland ones life is. It is constantly changing.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Funny Day

Just heard the most funniest and probably the daftest statement today.

Some bloke on Celebrity Big Brother quoted as saying "I'm worried about the health and safety of death". Irony doesn't quite capture the moment.

Another daft mention goes to a colleague of mine. While mentioning the virtues of having a sensible naming convention when unifying printer names where the prefix "L" is descriptive of a printer function he concluded "I think L is a good letter for Location". Sorry perhaps you had to be there and to have understood the context.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Narrow minded fools and climate change

Chrysler announced its doubts about climate change suggesting that it is way way in the future. Why. Money. Why else? Profits are down. Can't shift enough crappy gas guzzling cars. Who on earth would be stupid enough to suggest that it isn't really happening. Sounds like a company on its last legs. We have only to witness events around the world. Extreme weather. Massively power hurricanes battering parts of coastal US. Tornado frequency increasing. There was one in London not so long ago. Flooding, hail etc. Isn't it obvious that it is happening now? Only holocaust deniers are worse. I think in all honesty Chrysler should really look to moving away from traditional car manufacturing and go into the canoe business.

Sport and Drugs

Sorry about the drug themed post.

There is wide spread condemnation of drug use within sport. An MP called for a more relaxed approach to recreational drugs and sports people. Not worthy of a fuller explanation really as it is about the most ridiculous thing to say. It got me thinking though. All those fallen heroes of sport. Ben Johnson in particular. Cheated twice. But not before smashing the one hundred metre sprint record. What would it be like to have an athletics championship for sports athletes high on the drug of their choice? Would the sprint to a hundred metres ever be achieved in eight seconds or less? Or what about the four metre high jump? The one mile shot put throw? Or better still the five hundred mile marathon?

...and another thing.

On the subject of cocaine. Not wishing to characterise habitual users I shall try to remain objective. I've always found stereotyping drug users a useful way of avoiding certain types. As I have admitted before I in my youth have experienced different types of substances by virtue of being a university student. Having crawled out the otherside otherwise unaffected I take pleasure upon reflection and obsevation of those who never quite made it out of that dark pit. Again I will try to not sound too judgemental.

Glue sniffers (are there any left?) have red and running nose and are social pariahs. The advertisments in the late seventies and eighties ensured a whole generation of youth (including me) that it was a terribly evil thing to do. Indeed I never ever took part in the solvent abuse craze.

Heroin. Miserable ashened faced homeless, prostitutes with nothing more to life than the next hit. Trainspotting characterises a user well. Having never done it and never will, my source material is only of research. So seemingly these people are already dead to the world.

Dope smokers. Ahh. Yes, having been there and done that I have fond memories. Having no ill effects what so ever apart from the occasional short term memory loss while stoned was all. But far from being dreamy and glamorous, far too much time was wasted lying on the couch listening to trippy music. Too much time wasted doing nothing.

Acid. Not something anyone would do habitually. Although I have heard of stories of people missing for a week only to re-appear suddenly after taking one too many an acid tab. Freaky sounding and looking people. Watchout for them as the chances are, they probably did one too many. Not necessarily a danger to the public but socially on a different plane.

Cocaine. This particular substance I feel is a strange one. Having witnessed numerous people on it and habitual users not on it I safely say this one is for tossers. I have been told that this is the drug for people lacking self esteem. Yes of course it makes you chatty, popular and fun to be with. That's the perception of the user. For the observer and indeed some can tell the difference between a natural tosser and a coked up one, the user can be highly irritating. Taken in small doses I'm sure it helps but I have never ever come across someone who knows when enough is enough. Some say the drug was exclusively for the rich but now is cheaper and therefore available for a wider audience. Bad. Very bad stuff. I do have a mistrust for these habitual users. Experience tells me so. Having to duck most mornings in an open plan sales office because the boss thows a chair across at any random person because he has a really bad withdrawal symptom from the night before is a most unpleasant experience. Listening to someone talking shit all night long is not fun either. Nor is the fact that after the effects have worn off, all that person does is sleep.
I have noticed that I've written about this one in great length. The reason why is that given the last fourteen years I have experienced and have witnessed a variety of substances taken, they are nothing more than a shadow in my history. Cocaine however is something that some people I know of is a part of their lifestyle. Not only that but as I have a mistrust of people who sniff the stuff as easily as an alchoholic does with booze. The sad truth of it is as much as I like some of these types of people, I just can't ever trust them. Is it fair on them? No. But at the same time are these people really who they are or just their persona a consequence big bag of the white stuff? With dope, you know that person is stoned. With coke, it is much more difficult to spot the user. Although the next time you walk through your office and spot the office tosser then the chances are that they also sniff cocaine.

Inexpensive high

Actually there is a subtle irony in the title. Some weeks ago I read that ninety nine percent of english bank notes had traces of cocaine on them. This morning yet another report that one hundred percent of irish euros had cocaine one them also. So exactly how many notes would one need to lick to get high on the stuff? Indeed who would be so desperate enough to lick said notes knowing that a part of it had been up some ones nose? A sticky problem but not one to be sniffed at...

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Can anyone be more....

...stupid!!! Either I am talking about myself or someone else. Some of you might opt for the former. Ok. Last night I lost a fiver. And for once paid up. It was a test of the english language of "me, myself or I". Unfortunately I lost. Damn. It all came down to whether "Dave and I" or "Dave and me". Which was the correct way of saying? I lost on a majority. Oh well.

Really not happy about the remainder of last night though. The sheer rudeness of some people in a public house. Being friendly is a good thing in a place like a pub. Being with friends in a pub is better. Unfortunately I witnessed a particularly humiliating spectacle by which a poor bloke was left utterly humiliated by two of his friends for seemingly no reason. I don't know. The sheer arrogance of some people eh? Luckily the landlord of the establishment is rather good pals with the man in question and as a parting shot, the landlord may well ban the idiots. Who needs riff raff like that in a fine establishment like that eh?

Monday, January 08, 2007

There's no such thing as...

I heard an interesting tale of a friend who had been dating a lady for a short while and had been feeling a little down in the dumps. His summarisation of events lead him to believe that he'd been used as nothing but a ticket for a free meal and drink. Chin up dear boy, just think, the same could be said for if you were swimming off the coast of South Africa and a Great White Shark took a bite of your leg.....


What is it about Friends? One can share moments of joy and happiness with them and also sorrow and sadness too. And sometimes you wonder why it all had to end. A clash of egos perhaps? Money? Fame? Or just plain boredom? I am of course talking about the TV series and not myself. Over the festive season (doesn't it seem like a long time ago?) I was entertained by the many episodes televised. How on earth had I missed this bit of comedic genius? Its not that I've lived on a different planet or have never ever seen an episode, its that I'd never bother paying too much attention to it before. So, my first new years resolution will be to catch up on ten years worth of Friends. Mmm. That last sentence has a sense of irony.......if I had been in a coma for a considerable length of time..

Dazed and Confused

Oh dear. Oh dear. What on earth has happened. I awake this cold morning still feeling a little numb from this weekends events......

WHY OH WHY DID LIVERPOOL CRASH AND BURN? I had a prediction with a friend of mine who is much more of a football fan than I about the result. The friend in question is an Arsenal fan and I Liverpool. What an interesting time this was going to be. 2 -1 was my prediction for Liverpool. just after thirty five minutes and we went down 1. To describe the rest of the match would be too depressing but with Liverpool coming back one I thought this was the turn around. But no. The cup holders are out. And with all the finesse of Streatham and Tooting. Damn. So who will I be cheering on? Well it'll have to be Arsenal.....

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Strange occurences

Weird night. And I didn't have cheese before bed time. Actually I munched a packet of cheddars. Not technically cheese. Cheesy flavour. Mmmm.

Whilst in dream land, my dream mobile phone started dream ringing. Loud enough to wake me to find that my real mobile phone had rung. Whilst in dream land I answered it a fit babe spoke, reality seemed a little less glamorous. The voicemail left was of a lady but not asking for me. A wrong number....at 3.00am!

Back to dream land again and later in the dream whilst trekking through a muddy field looking for a monster eating people the dream mobile phone goes again. This time its a text. Again from a fit babe. I even read it. I can't remember the contents but I awake to find a text from a lady friend on the real mobile phone and yes theres a message but different to the one in the dream.

Note to one self. Do not think that you are experiencing messages from the "other world".

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

This Life +10

Last night featured the much anticipated reunion of This Life. And what memories it brought back. It started off a little slow and perhaps a little naff. The idea of a person filming the group of friends seemed a little at odds with the feel of the original show. But as ever, it developed into essentially very much the same as before with all the thrills and drama of old. What a cracking hour and twenty minutes! I'd say it was worth doing this one off and for once, a one off of an old series paid off. Those of you who haven't seen the original or This Life +10 won't give a toss about what I'm saying. But for those who like me watched it ever faithfully will relate to the characters and indeed in this update, relate to how things in life have progressed, for better or worse.

Dangerous Dogs

The unfortunate incident of a poor young girl attacked and killed by a pit bull type dog again raises the question of the ownership of such an animal. Oh how we say that we are a nation of dog lovers. Yet so many are still bought on a whim for some hapless hoody who swaggers around with all the cockiness of retarded gorilla. How on earth do they obtain pitbulls and the such at such a young age? Do they plead with "puppy dog eyes" to their moronic parents that they don't feel safe out on the streets and need protection? Stick a condom over yer head! I would love to own a dog but have two cats for the simple reason that I can't commit to an animal that if it doesn't get the love and attention it deserves could turn into something truly demonic. I guess I too would turn mad if I were left alone for most of the day and then not tended to. Actually forget that last comment.

Why do we allow people to keep such animals? Indeed why are people who clearly are incapable of looking after such animals allowed to do so? These dogs are bred for a specific purpose. To kill animals smaller than themselves. Its in their blood. Anyone who says that's a load of rubbish clearly is talking a load of rubbish too. Take the case of Roy of Siegfried & Roy, who for years raised "tame" tigers only to be mauled by one. Just because they may have been raised from birth by humans doesn't mean to say that their natural instincts will have been supressed. Instinct is an uncontrollable desire.

I have to respect my cat. Even though he might be a relatively small creature; if he's pissed off or wants to play a little too agressively, those claws are out to play. And if there's contact, boy does it sting. If he gets his nashers into you then you know about it.

Is owning a pitbull terrier, german sheperd, rottweiler or a doberman about status? Of course it is. Sure they look like amazing beasts and in the proper hands would make wonderful pets and for those sensible people who do make good pets of them; I salute you. But the example of the poor girl killed by a family pet as dangerous as the one mentioned in the papers. How irresponsible was it to have ever imagined that a tiny little girl like that wouldn't be seen as a meal......

Monday, January 01, 2007

Happy New Year!

I have a brain the size of a peanut.

Happy New Year to you all. A point worthy of mention. To my mate Guiness: You know we were talking about the virtues of a hangover? Or more importantly the definition of one? And how one does not get one these days? Well mother of god! I have one! Thankfully the focus of making some kind of sense on this article is taking the pain away.

On to other things.

I awake just before midday to a glorious sunny day. I recall a fabulous night with my mate Guiness and my special lady with friends. The night started out with all the optimism of a turtle in a big cooking pot. Guiness certainly lifted my spirit somewhat and mid evening I was more than pleasantly suprised by the company of a certain lady who I think is just about the best thing around. Much better than I can describe at the moment........

..sorry where was I ?

Waking on this the first day of 2007 I feel positive whilst yearning for a curry/kebab/pizza. I wonder if a curry house is open at this time of the day? Also wonder if Jason and the Argonauts is on? Rambling.........


Nasim Hamed stripped of his MBE. I wonder how many other people have suffered the same fate. And in case some of you don't know who this chap is then let me remind you. He was a first class british boxer known for his quick fists and fancy leg work and also an ego the size of Jupiter. Not so long ago he crashed his McLaren Mercedes into another blokes car whilst overtaking on a blind bend. Said bloke got totally mashed up nearly beating Evil Kinevels broken body parts record. So it has taken this long for old Queeny to withdraw the MBE award for the stupid, arrogant lardy arse boxer. And on New Years day as well! Bad timing.

Some people maybe thinking the little fat f**ker might do one of two things. Be totally remorseful and back a major comeback into the ring and win for Queen and country or head down to the nearest boozer and drink himself into oblivion. Okay. He is a devout muslim so probably not the latter. Or perhaps Queeny has a really cunning plan and she is not the silly half wit that some of us think she is. Perhaps she really is a secret fan of blobby ex-boxer and just wants to see him back in the ring again and the only way she can get him to fight again is to withdraw the MBE and suggest that if wants to have it back he will have to fight again......

What on earth am I talking about.