Tuesday, June 27, 2006

FHM, LOADED, etc....

LADS MAGS: Make them 'top shelf', says MP

Sexually explicit 'lads mags, should be kept on the top shelves in newsagents along with porn mags to keep them out of reach of children, a Labour MP will tell the House of Commons today.

The MP for Crosby, Merseyside, Claire Curtis-Thomas, says the content of the magazines is 'repulsive' and 'degrading to women'.

But under current voluntary rules the magazines can be displayed alongside newspapers and lifestyle mags.

Ms Curtis-Thomas will present her Regulation of Sale and Display of Sexually Explicit Material Bill in the Commons under the Ten-minute Rule Bill and call for a new regulatory body to oversee the sale of sexually explicit magazines which are not regarded as 'top shelf'.

Ms Curtis-Thomas said, " Whilst I am not advocating the censorship and prohibition of such literature for adults, there must be safeguards in place to protect minors from this obscene material."

What will ever happen to the Sun newspaper or The Daily Sport then eh ? Eventually they'll ban everything to the top shelf. My newsagent Mr Shah will probably have to re-mortgage his house and family to pay for an extension on his top shelf.

Saturday, June 17, 2006

Behind Every Good Woman is a good .....

So there we have it. Hazel Blears (or Blair) has announced that the current leadership of the Labour party is not great. Ok. We know that. More interestingly though is the enthusiastic criticism of David Cameron and his red/blue party. It's time a female MP stepped up to almost suggest that perhaps she can do the job better herself. I'm not being sexist in any way whatsoever. Think about it. Gordon Brown up against the new boy in the next election ? Gordy wouldn't stand a chance. A slightly over than middle aged man who likes listening to the "Arctic Monkey's ?" (I think he said that in an interview once) Why not give it to someone already outspoken about the reality of the failures of New Labour eh ? So she can in one breath, discredit the leadership skills of present and potential PM and make amends. Oh, and she'd make a great Prime Minister in much the same way Maggie did. What goes around comes around ?

She seems to be a very clear candidate for the leadership. A very confident one......and may just save the Labour party.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Arty Things

For those who have seen my etchings, will know of my fondness for art. Indeed I would like one day to pick up that paint brush again and paint pictures. Alas my profession is very far removed from the delights of artistic creativity. So while random googling, I came across this website. Weird but wonderful. Ray Caesar, top bloke if slightly odd.

....come to think of it. How did I get to that website ?

Moron Aurora

.....yes I haven't quite finished with this one yet. Conspiracy theory and all that bollocks. I really, really detest people who due to an overactive imagination decide to announce to the world that they KNOW it exists and almost suggest that they've even seen one working.

Here's one mad scientists' view of it all. Twat.

....one more thing an amendment to the last post. When I searched for Project Aurora. The link given below was actually the very first of the google results.

Project Aurora

The BBC news website is an amazing place for factual information as well as up to date news. So looking at it this morning I came across a video clip of what initally I thought was proof that this 'other worldly' technology exists. A super duper mega fast top secret can't tell anyone otherwise we'll kidnap your goldfish, spy plane has finally being admitted to existing. How many times have we seen this before. Ten years from now 'they'll' say that they do indeed have one. Scientists analysing huge sonic booms over 'Area 51' are mystified as to what it could be. Frankly I find the mysterious sonic booms that I hear in the middle of the night eminating from my neighbours house far more fascinating. Of course its a super duper mega fast top secret can't tell anyone otherwise we'll kidnap your goldfish, spy plane!!

Being the curious minded person that I am I decided to ask Google what Project Aurora is and this is what it came up with ...... Click me for Project Aurora

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

A Dear Friend

This unusually hot weather has clearly got the caring sharing nature out of me. Nope. Not really. I just thought I could convince myself otherwise.

An interesting article in the Guardian (I think) this morning suggesting that coffee is quite beneficial for the liver and prevents damage to it by alchohol. That makes very dangerous reading for some people. A licence to drink more or drink more and more.

I have a dear close friend of mine who I think is the most amazing bloke I know. Kind, witty and an extremely good sense of humour, oh and very well travelled. Without his friendship would be a tragedy without a doubt. He likes a drink. He is famed for his ability to appear sober when one is clearly not and on many occasion have I enjoyed humorous and deeply intellectual conversation throughout the many stages of drunkeness. This friend of mine manages to have the knack of living on coffee, cigarettes and booze, and it is a very rare occassion that he eats. For him its more of an obligation. He shrivels at the very mention of water.

So this article in the newspaper (actually pointed out on the Wright Stuff) horrified me. To the many out there that struggle to keep a lid on drinking and as is the case with this country, pointed out numerous times about the binge drinking culture that is all too common, why on earth would this article be of any use to anyone desperately trying to kick the habit or at least bring it under some control ? Of course for the sensible drinker it would clearly be a benefit. But I'm being selfish here. I worry about my friend. I hope to God that he doesn't see the article. I would like to think that he's going to be around a great deal longer. Cut down. Please.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Did I mention .....

For those who knew me in a previous blog (which I now regret deleting, as in all honesty I shouldn't have accommodated some of the more sensitive characters that I may have slightly upset. Damn it! Its my blog and I'll blog if I want to!), will know that I used to have a guard turtle. A common snapping turtle. Unfortunately, and I'm sure those with a little more commonsense than me would have said 'I told you so', realised that this rather savage beast was showing potential for inflicting serious damage to anything that cam near it. He (or she) has now been re-homed by my friendly pet shop keeper.

I now have Piranha's. Three of them. What amazing animals. I'm already doing impressions of Dr Evil (the character out of Austin Powers). In all seriousness I thought long and hard about making this decision especially after the snapping turtle affair. Once bitten twice shy! Boom!! Boom!!

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

The Dope

Whilst enjoying a well earned break from my busy working life, I was invited along to a most interesting cafe in the east end of London. Nice place. Good food. Comfortable seats. Slightly iffy latrines (I haven't heard of anyone using that word for years so I thought I'd resurect its use hear and for the slightly less articulate amongst you, toilets). Oh and booze.

Rewind about three weeks ago. A new member of staff joined our professional team. It was my job to bring him under my wing and train him as fast as possible since the team were erm not exactly a team due to people leaving for other jobs. Ok. You get my point.

This chap who shall not be named has a unique ability to learn new skills very very fast and I must say that I am very proud of him so far for how quickly he has eased himself into the working routine...

...through out the getting to know you phase, several subtle hints were dropped into conversation about his fondness for the things that grow naturally, then dried and then smoked and visits to Amsterdam. Being an ex student myself I found this line of conversation rather interesting. So after a few beers one night it was decided that this fine gentleman would take me to a reputable establishment in the east end.

Forward about three weeks....So the day came. Like a grand adventure to this mythical (for some) place, loaded with fagerettes (term used by my mate Dave) and money off we went. It was a warm slightly overcast day but with no sign of rain. The Sun didn't seem to want to make the effort to come out that day, perhaps because it too was anticipating for what was to come. Perhaps it too knew that I'd forgotten my shades and had no protection from bright lights later that day and so kindly hid itself. Anyway. We were due to meet my new colleague's (we'll refer to my colleague as Kumar for the purpose of this story.) mate there as he was providing some of the unique ingredient that would make this day special.

....half and hour later.....armed with and beer in hand, Kumar with his trade mark can of Coke (that's Coca Cola) we sit on luxurious sofas provided by this fine establishment. We spend what seemed like hours talking about many joyous and humorous recollections of our student days, laughing out loud whilst swigging on beer and coca cola then like an apparition appears a tall dark shadow slowly walking towards us, no actually sliding towards us, as if he were on ice. His right arm lifts momentarily as he recognises Kumar. As the subtle lighting slowly reveals his face, I thought he looks like a man who's quite worldly and wise, and a man with hands that have only two purposes in life, one has some thing to do with his job and the other, to roll. Yeah...

The day although it seemed like twilight by this point, was working out well, beer in hand, Kumar rolling like tomorrow was his last day on Earth and the friendly stranger sat opposite to me talking about some of the more fascinating things in life.....Like some of his experiences with mother natures pain relief, relaxation, stress relieving produces and the many ways to apply this to ones self and Cheech and Chong scenes. At this point it would be appropriate to give this friendly chap a name. I shall call him Harrison.

It was at a certain point that the suggestion of playing pool was made. Playing pool under the influence was certainly going to be an unusual experience indeed. The journey alone to get to this place was as immense as the journey to get to the cafe. On arrival and clearly the three of us trying to behave normally (at this point the appropriate question would have been what is nortnal ?), purchased some allocated time at the pool table. Of course the establishment required a deposit for the table. The three of us line astern reached for our wallets to produce the deposit, it was I that managed this feat first. Perhaps it had something to do with gaining the attention of the extremely attractive barmaid. A hour's worth of pool then. With confidence at and all time high and the cockiness of a teenage school boy out to impress the girl (barmaid) I strode up to the pool table and certain to clean up the first game. I very nearly did except for the fact that Harrison had potted the black on his first shot. Oh well.

As this strange substence was making its effects felt, this now extremely attractive barmaid had some how become not quite so. Perhaps's its because it was the realisation that indeed what might have happened all along was that I had been staring at the poster of the pretty lady holding a bottle of beer behind the bar. Oh dear.

Pool over and there was only one thing for it. Back to the cafe which as time had past had seemed to have become all the more inviting. Having lost our original seats to a young friendly looking couple, we sought out a corner of the cafe with some rather inviting sofa's. Kumar was already at work. I with a flick of the lighter continued proceedings. The afternoon wore on and as it did, my ability to converse seemed to be at odds with the physical movements of my mouth. It was at this stage that I took a step backwards from the conversation that Kumar and Harrison were having.
Like a flash (admittedly a rather dim one), I realised what I was witnessing before my eyes. I had seen these guys somewhere before. Where ? where ? where ? rolled the question. Until it finally twigged. Harold and Kumar get the Munchies! Yes! Yes! Yes! The more I visualised the characters in the movie the more I could see the resemblence. I'm not stereotyping or anything remotely like that but true to they're ficticious counterparts, one indian and the other oriental. It couldn't have got any weirder than that.