Friday, April 06, 2007

Summary of the week

Nothing is quite as disturbing as a mate of mine showing me his sexual conquest on his mobile phone. Video evidence if you get my drift.

Yet another colleague and friend is leaving work for another job paying more. His excuse is like any other. Need more money for a family. It is worrying when so many good people are leaving at once. It makes me wonder if they know something that I do not. The company I work for is haemoraging employees at the moment. Normally this kind of thing doesn't bother me, but at the same time as people are leaving they seem to be lessening the opportunity for promotion by simply putting people who have been there for sometime in promotional opportunities by default. Bad practice indeed and will likely to upset a lot of apple carts.

I met a very attractive lady with some of the biggest hands on the planet. Wow! I would've taken a picture if I could taken one without being slapped with one of those jumbo sized paws.

Another week has past and much like the one before women have come and gone. Don't get me wrong, women aplenty to talk to, but not single ones. I must attract the wrong kind clearly. Apparently the trick to attracting a women is not to be nice. I just don't get it. Be a bastard and supposedly some kind of miracle occurs. I don't think so. That little bit of advice came from a lady friend of mine. All the more worrying if it were true. The modern woman likes to be treated mean?

My arm still hurts as a consequence of attempting to drunkenly arm wrestle the kebab shop man. Oh and yes, I broke my vow of a healthier lifestyle on Wednesday.

Mr Jinx (my cat) has been trying to speak to me in catlish. I'm sure that he really does try and talk in english but due to his vocal chords can only muster something like a muffled miaow.

Getting sound advice from a friend of mine who treats his body like a temple. An ex-marine no less and one part of a party of single blokes who go out on the pull a couple of times a month. I arm wrestled him too compounding the pain in my arm.

Its amazing how after several days off the booze and fags how it is incredibly easy to get hammered on just a couple of pints. I vaguely remember Wednesday night collecting my kebab, catching the bus and attempting to follow an imaginary straight line only to realise I'm not and suddenly spotting the lady I see every morning walking a little way behind me no doubt having a laugh at my expense.

Good deed for the week? Last night after declining an offer to fill my nose with colombian marching powder, I alighted a train home early'ish. Whilst struggling to stop myself from pissing myself laughing at the conversation two young teenage chavvy girls were having, I noticed this poor woman, very pretty, and very pissed, falling asleep. There is nothing more unfortunate than such a picture of a lady who is about to fall off her chair. So as quick as lightening, I reached in front of me and caught her shoulder before she fell off. With that she thanked me, checked for drool, checked that she hadn't missed her stop and started to nod off. Just a couple of stops before mine I gently tapped her on the shoulder and pointed to the station sign as a gentle reminder to her not to nod off otherwise she'd miss her stop. Not a thing to do when pissed. I think she appreciated the gesture and busied herself with her mobile phone and then make up.

On the point of missing a stop. There is no place worse for me than having to get off at West Norwood station. It is for me the biggest pain in the arse for a few of reasons. It is a shit hole of a place during the day let alone at night in a drunken haze. There are no handy cab firms anywhere near the station let alone any licenced cabs waiting there for the commuter. West Norwood happens to be far enough to contemplate not to walk home but teasingly to do so if one is brave enough. It is however very much an uphill climb home. I've done it. It took an hour of fast walking.

So it was one evening that I ended up at this crap hole of a place. Pissed off again that I had nodded off and pissed off that I knew I could walk home but I wouldn't as the area is of the most unsavory variety at that time of night. Pissed off that that was the last train. Pissed off that there were no cab firms around. A moment of genius occurred when I spotted an Indian Restaurant. With hope and faith that this place would be a sanctuary for me and a place to call a cab off I headed. Upon entering the rather plush place I was greeted with some very polite waiters to kindly told me the restaurant was shut. It didn't matter to me as all I wanted was a cab. It was then that one of the guys asked where I was headed. So I told him to which he said that he was going in that direction. Saved! As we set off he asked me how much I would normally have paid for the journey so I truthfully told him and he accepted my offer. As stopped outside my flat, and I handed over the money I asked him if he was going back to the restaurant, he gleefully told me that he lived only a couple of streets away and he was off home! Talk about making money out of someones misery! At least I got home safe. (Penny pinching bastard!).


analytic said...

Hello mate

Good to talk to you today. Thanks for the link to your blog. Its very interesting and gave me many laughs as well as provoking my gray matter ; )

With regard to the summary though, I think you got your links in the wrong order. If I know you at all it should be booze, women, kebab, cab, women (oh shit quick taxi!), cab, booze, (sleep), train (oh shit did i really do hat last night), Work - Morning every one how was your week end? Oh me, nothing really just stayed in with the cats and watched some football.

Colleague - But Ash the footnball season's over.

You - Oh ok, ok I watched a chick flick and called my mum ok!! ; )

Take care mate and lets meet up soon. The web address for my sisters airbrush art isnot finished yet but you can preview the work in progress at

Take care

2Darts said...

Cheeky git. Whaddya mean watched a flick chick and called my mum!!??!! (How did you know?)