Saturday, June 30, 2007

A Twist on the Nigerian Scam

We've all heard of them. Been approached by them, and maybe even been tempted by them. Yes, its the old favorite. The Nigerian scam. Money either won/inherited/aquirred somehow is ready to be collected. Cool. Hopefully most of my readers are not stupid enough to fall for it. I know it looks a little long but trust me, you'll love it.

Internet dating has advanced this scam. It has evolved.

I'll make the introduction to this tale brief so you can read the juicy bits.

Day 1:
2Darts sign's on to a dating site. Within three days a hot looking lady approaches me. Flattery gets all men everywhere. So brilliant. In there, loving the attention.

Day 4:
More conversation. The poor cow hints that she is about to come into a lot of money from Nigeria and she doesn't have a bank account so she needs to fly out there. She's also about to be kicked out of her friend's flat. She doesn't have a job either. After much discussion I tell her that the whole Nigerian thing is a scam. After much convincing she says no more about it. I know she's on to a scam by this stage.

Day 5: Kicking out day. Panic sets in to the silly tart and she begs me for £350. No I say but being the kind Dart that I am I feel the need to give her some advice. Clearly in one ear and out the other.

Day 6: Nothing

Day 7: Email to say she's at a hotel packing for Nigeria. She leaves that day. I am pissing myself laughing.

Day 8: In Nigeria, going to get the money soon she says.

The rest is documented below.

Show Recent Messages (F3)

Kelly lauren: hello babe
2Darts: hello
Kelly lauren: gudmorning babe
Kelly lauren: hw was your night
Kelly lauren: i missed you
2Darts: Good thanks.
Kelly lauren: that means yu really enjoyself last night
Kelly lauren: i was indoor after i got back from the lawyer babe
2Darts: Yes. Sorry. So tell me what happened
Kelly lauren: he said ,he will need to collect part of his payment before he can render any
2Darts: And wat did you do?
Kelly lauren: i explained to hin but he wouldnt listen babe
2Darts: and?
Kelly lauren: he said ,he must collect part payment before anything can be done and i went
back to the company but they also said i must get a lawyer before anything can be done
2Darts: So what are you going to do?
Kelly lauren: i dont know babe
Kelly lauren: i was just indoor since yesterday crying babe
2Darts: Can you not borrow money from your step mum?
Kelly lauren: dont even think about that babe
2Darts: Sounds like you're going to have to come back to England and start looking for a
Kelly lauren: even to fly back is a problem bcos i only buy one way ticket
2Darts: Looks like you're stuck in Nigeria.
Kelly lauren: i will do anything to get the money out of this country babe
2Darts: My advice is to go to the British Consulate or Embassy and they will be able to help
you get back home.
Kelly lauren: even if we be for me to sleep aroound ...i will get that money out of here
2Darts: It just show's what more important to you in life then. Clearly it isn't your
Kelly lauren: i know you can help me but you will want to ...which i dont know why
2Darts: You have shown your true colours Kelly. The only thing important in life to you is
money. Good luck with it.
Kelly lauren: nope babe
Kelly lauren: hw could you say that 2Darts
2Darts: Because you said that you'd even sleep around to get money. That makes you a
prostitute. Don't you get it?
Kelly lauren: you know i will never do that babe
2Darts: You said you would. Look. Just follow my advice and find the British Embassy.
They'll give you a free ticket back to England. That's of course if you really are in
Nigeria. Good bye.
Kelly lauren: for you leaving me ...that really showed that you are a good friend
2Darts: No. You aren't listening to a word I have said.
Kelly lauren: i did babe
Kelly lauren: dont you know that since yesterday even have not eating bcos i cant afford it
Kelly lauren: i dont have a dime with me babe
2Darts: Kelly, go to the Embassy, get back to England. Go home to your step-mum and find
yourself a job. Act like a grown up.
2Darts: Do you know what an Embassy is?
Kelly lauren: ok
Kelly lauren: i know babe
Kelly lauren: 2Darts,can you do this for me this morning
2Darts: How Kelly? You have no contact details. No address in Nigeria. How would they know
where you are?
Kelly lauren: i will go there and meet them babe
Kelly lauren: but the hotel that i lodge sized all my travelling document bcos i want to pay
2Darts: Which city are you in?
Kelly lauren: ota
Kelly lauren: babe,i need 100pounds from you this morning babe
2Darts: How would I give that to you?
Kelly lauren: let me ask the hotel accountant that my fiancee what want to pay there bills
from uk ....that how they get it babe and i will find my way to the embassy babe
2Darts: I'm not your fiancee
Kelly lauren: pls do this for me 2Darts
Kelly lauren: sorry my friend
2Darts: The embassy will pay for your hotel too. Just get yourself there.
2Darts: What is the name of the Hotel?
Kelly lauren: cant you do this for me instead of telling the embassy for evertyhing
Kelly lauren: the name of the hotel is travellers hotel
2Darts: That is what the embassy is there for Kelly. Its quicker. What are the full address
Kelly lauren: i know you really want to help me babe
Kelly lauren: but i will get to the embassy myslef and i will explain things for them babe
Kelly lauren: i just neeed to pay the hotel so that i can get out of here
2Darts: Phone the embassy from the Hotel.
Kelly lauren: i need to pay what i owed them
2Darts: The Embassy willl pay them.
2Darts: Explain to the hotel that you need to phone the embassy because of your situation.
Kelly lauren: i cant be requestion for 100pounds from the embassy
Kelly lauren: they will not allow they disconnected the phone room babe
Kelly lauren: pls help me with 100pounds babe
Kelly lauren: let me know if you can do this for me babe
2Darts: Ask to use the hotel phone.
2Darts: Explain your situation to them. Be absolutely truthful and they will understand that
you need to call the embassy because you are in trouble.
Kelly lauren: ok.....can you help me with 100pounds this morning babe
2Darts: I will phone the Embassy in Nigeria to help you. Thanks for telling me where you
are. I will tell them that you are staying at the Hotel in Oka and tell them of your
2Darts: They will then come and get you. You see. Problem solved.
Kelly lauren: i still need to eat this morning babe.....i am not feeling ok
Kelly lauren: i need this 100pounds from you and i want you to give me babe
2Darts: They will me there within half and hour after I have contacted them.
Kelly lauren: so you cant help me on your own....right?
2Darts: I'm too far away....Someone will be at the hotel in half an hour. Promise. They will
pay the hotel and give you food and a ticket home.
2Darts: I have already help you by contacting the Embassy. They will be on there way now.
Kelly lauren: i just tell the account just now,she said if you can send the money via
westernunion that i will get it in 20mins babe
2Darts: I've already phoned the Embassy while I've been typing. They are already on there
way to see you. So pack your bags. Your going now! Isn't that good news?
Kelly lauren: good news but if they are not here
Kelly lauren: cant you help me with 100pounds?
2Darts: Can you ask the reception to give me correct address just to be sure.
Kelly lauren: can you help me with what am requestion from you now or not?
2Darts: Give me the account details.
Kelly lauren: let me ask her
Kelly lauren: wo you want to help with 100pounds or what
2Darts: Just give me the account details
Kelly lauren: you want to help me with the 100pounds or not?
2Darts: Why else would I ask for the account details.
Kelly lauren: ok....let me go nd get it for you 2mins
Kelly lauren: i got it babe
2Darts: Ok.
Kelly lauren: Name: MATTHEW JONES

City : Oka

State : Ogun

Country : Nigeria

Text Question : Who Care?

Answer : 2Darts
Kelly lauren: this what she said i shuld give to you babe
2Darts: ....and I need the address too.
2Darts: The money transfer people over here will not do anything without the address.
Kelly lauren: he said that is all you need babe
2Darts: The man at the shop needs it for his records. He said to me that sometimes people
accidentally give the wrong information so he has to cross reference it.
Kelly lauren: let me ask
Kelly lauren: wait
2Darts: ok
Kelly lauren: Address: 10,david close,oka,Ogun
Kelly lauren: you get it?
2Darts: Yep.
Kelly lauren: what do you want to do now?
2Darts: I will have to go to the shop now and give the details. How does he want it? Cash or
Kelly lauren: cash ..will be fine babe
Kelly lauren: but am not sure you are going to help me
Kelly lauren: i doubt it if you are going to do it
2Darts: Why do say that?
Kelly lauren: that is what i just felt babe and i will be glad if you can do this for me
babe and let me get out of this country ...pls
Kelly lauren: all i need is just 100pounds babe
Kelly lauren: tell me the truth 2Darts.....are you going to help me with this money?
2Darts: just a minute..
Kelly lauren: what?
2Darts: just a minute.....I need to feed the cats
2Darts: Ok. Back now.
2Darts: are you still there?
Kelly lauren: talk hun
Kelly lauren: so i will know what to do
2Darts: I need to go to the shop. So I will be about an hour as there a lots of people
sending money to Nigeria. I shall contact you soon.
Kelly lauren: dont bother sending it bcos i know you are not going to send it
Kelly lauren: take good care of urself
2Darts: Why are you being so mean?
Kelly lauren: its bcos i know that you will not send the money
2Darts: I'm not stupid enough to fall a scam like this. Not only that but I am reporting you
as well. Its been enjoyable leading you on though. Thanks.

Scamtastic eh!

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