Saturday, June 16, 2007

More Chav stuff

A contributor to my blog reminded me of another Chavtastic fact about my neck of the woods.

I was off sick for a while. After being saturated with daytime TV and Chav's favorites Tricia and Jeremy Kyle, I resorted to finding something else to do. People watching. You know, the kind of stuff that old retired people do. Incidentally, I'll put down for the record that I'll end up being a miserable, complaining old fart when I get old. Mark my words. Victor Meldrew for the year 2047. If I get that far. (Ged on it with!!)

Anyway, so in my fine part of the world you have Chav's on Rota.

Morning Chav - two sub species; the pisshead's that get up bang on 8.30am to get to the local grocery shop for their fix of some Kestrel Super. The second one, single mums with about fifty kids all from different Dad's tagging along. Yep for a while I thought, no, got to be a child minder, just before the mouthed opened pouring out expletives. Either that or child care standards have slipped.

Lunch time Chav - Strictly speaking grotty hoodies. Chicken and chips from the takeaway of choice, no not KFC but South London's fav, Morleys. And if you're brave enough to walk past a group loitering near a sweet shop, ocassionally the question will pop up, "got fifty pee man. Innit". Jeeze! Chavvy mum's mum ferrying kids to see the doctor for some scrotty disease while chavvy mum hits the pub with her mates.

Evening Chav's - What else but Ford Fiesta's lowered, tinted with sh*t body kits. That's not a cherry bomb exhaust but a hole in one. All the time saying "nah! Is got a terrrbooo init man. Init." Oh shut up! The blokes all have a gangly stance with go many spots you could join them up with a pen and draw a Burberry hat with it. This scenario can't complete without the following two. Dog's and bitches. Or is it hoes? Imitation gangsta truly dilutes pure blood Chavs. But its a sign of the times. No Chav gang can be complete without token Scrapped back greasy haired 13 year old girls dressed up as eighteen year olds. And pregnant. Probably. Finally the obligatory Pitbull, or Staff. Why? Oh and on the lead is a 12 year old boy.

Night time Chav's - All of the above but hammered on Diamond White, Alchopop of choice, Dad's whiskey or Grandma's Gin. Evidence of night time Chav's is undisputable. Pizza sized sick on pavements on in the Church yard.

Yes a final observation. Why does it seem as though most Chav's and hoodies insist on hanging out in Church Yards? Are they paid protection money by the local vicar? Protection from whom? Probably God Botherers. Probably.

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