Friday, March 02, 2007

Internet dating

As someone who never says no to new ideas, (although there as somethings I just won't do) I took a couple of days off to just chill out. Two hours into my well deserved freedom I realised that boredom does not have any positive effect. So whilst surfing the web I came across ITV's Dating site. Curiousity got the better of me so I decided to enter my (false) details and got cracking with finding a fine looking laydee. Pause for a moment. I'm increasingly seeing examples of urbanite spelling such as the one demonstrated earlier. Is the english language evolving? Are we beginning to see the dawn of a new way of spellin? Yeah man, iz like iz really hip ya kno...Perhaps not. Although there are examples of exam answers where the yoof, sorry, youth of today are writing in Textlish. U Know wot I mean. Un-pause. So Putting in my criteria of the kind of lady I would like to meet (19-99) - (I am joking), along with a few other attributes, the search sprang quite a few lovely single ladies. It was only really after reading a few examples that I discovered that along with describing ones self, that there is an attribute describing what kind of person you are. You know, easy going, independent, low maintenance and high maintenance. Who on earth would describe themselves as high maintenance? Really? Sounds like a highly desirable quality. If your a footballer. Initially I thought high maintenance was someone who'd be very expensive to take out for a night or even to live with. But for the right lady, I would spent money on her lavishly. No. High maintenance sounded a little more like needy, clingy, an emotional wreck. Those words strike fear into most single people looking for "fun, friendship.....and possibly more". Does that sound cliched? It was supposed to. For some reason, everytime I read that line in a dating ad, I keep thinking that there is a silent nudge, nudge, wink, wink to add to the last two words. Clearly I watched too much Benny Hill as a kid.

Oh finally, the classic for internet dating. Whilst sifting through more ladies, I came across a picture of a woman who lived just around the corner from me, had all the attributes that I was looking for in a lady, and looked a spitting image of Helena Christensen. Wow. Too good to be true? Yep. It was a picture of H.C. Probably the reality of it? A moose. Not just any moose, probably a dungeree wearing, feminist, border line lesbian, bi-curious, hardline communist just waiting for someone stupid enough to arrange a date, for her to then shout and scream at the poor soul for being so shallow and that beauty is only skin deep. Yeah. Yeah. Come on love, face it, it helps to look a little attractive. Just a second, is there a copyright liability for using someone elses face ? Mis-leading? Could I get my money back if she wasn't the real deal? Defamation of character? This dating stuff is way too complicated sometimes.

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