My Mate.

Missing my friend who left for greener pastures.

Doh!

There are triggers in peoples lives that make them do the stupidest of things. You might know where I'm going with this. Brain washing, hypnosis, and booze. How on earth are these three things linked? Stating the obvious. Brain washing, hypnosis and boozing are all done voluntarily. No one forces you to either of the three. For example, those crack pots who are members of Scientology as demonstrated on YouTube. Hypnosis as demonstrated by Paul McKenna. If you're from the UK then replace Paul's name with your own popular Hypnotist. And finally, huge amounts of any kind of alchohol. There are however moments when boozing, up to a point, where people can be utterly inspiring. That is until one has had way too much. Waking up this morning feeling on top of the world in a hangovered kind of way was really great. Slightly annoyed however by the feeling that from the Marquis of Granby onwards was a little blurry.

Out of the Frying Pan and into the Fire my friend!

So clearly I couldn't leave this scientology thing alone and after a few YouTube viewings I cam across a clip about a man calling a "God bothering" show where the topic was about being confused and lonely and suicidal. Okay some of that is an exaggeration. So the poor bloke calls in to say that Scientology has seriously f*cked with his mind and he wonders if God will take him back. Sounds like he made a pact with the devil; to which the on screen presenters naturally convince him that....oh sod it. The grand prix is nearly on...


Here's the clip for your amusement.

Scientology

Waking up to a pretty miserable day duly assisted by a slight hangover I read an interesting article on the BBC news website about a slanging match between a journalist and a hardcore Scientologist (crack pot). A video clip posted on YouTube showing a full on barny between the two people has raised questions again about what this cult, erm no sorry I mean't religion is all about. There are stories of people disassociating themselves with their families and friends etc to follow this cult, erm no sorry I mean't religion. Am I worried about being hunted down or followed everywhere I go? No. There are plenty of other nutters that follow me around every day. I'm used to it.

So as curious as ever I decided to look up the Scientology site for that elusive video clip. The BBC didn't have a direct link to the clip and armed with a hangover I couldn't be bothered to search for it. On the site was a link to a free personality test. Presumably this is to see whether I am suitable to become a member of this cult, erm no sorry I mean't religion. I'm not a stupid person so when faced with the usual "who are you" and "what do you do" stuff, I clearly falsified that information. The name being a Mr P.I. Staker and I'm a pig farmer in Azerbaijan.

The usual instrusive questioning ensues and after close to 200 profiling questions, which incidentally I answered honestly, I came to the final part, to which I was told that a scientology scientist would analyse my input and send me the results. Word of warning to anyone who wishes to take part in this test. 1) False details are a must if you are not serious but just curious. 2) Azerbaijan clearly doesn't have a local Scientology office. The nearest one is in Belarus. 3) Don't forget to put a real email address in, preferably not containing your real name in the address.

I clearly didn't bother to give my email address. So some pig farmer in Azerbaijan will be harrassed by those people from the cult. I mean religion. They preferred it if I called it a religion.

.....okay, I have found the video clip. Here is the clip of John Sweeny apparently losing the plot. I don't think so.

.....and here is a clip of a man called Tommy from the scientology cult, erm I mean religion being a little upset. Coincidentally, he does rather look like Tom Cruise. Weird(o).

A final couple of things to note. Why would this test normally cost $500+?

Are people really willing to pay $100,000+ to find out the secrets of this cult erm religion? Religion.

The BBC Panorama programme is out on Monday 14th May at 8.30pm. Don't miss it.

Next week we'll be talking on the subject of, "Are brain washing cults back in fashion again?".

Best Excuse in the World

This has to be one of the best excuses in the world for a man to tommy tank to his heart's content. Doctors claim that to help battle cancer of the bollocks, amongst the usual don't wear tight pants, take vitamin supplements etc, they also recommend giving the old chap a good tug daily. Does that mean that calling a random bloke walking down the street "you wanker!" is actually a complement for good personal health practices?

Life's Mysteries

There is nothing worse in the entire world than to wake up with the biggest hangover of all time. Yes its been a while since I last wrote. This is mainly down to work. Last night was one of the biggest piss up's I've been to in a while. Beginning at the local watering hole that is the Sports and Social and on to the Marquis of Granby. What happened after I stepped in there is a real mystery. Getting home is a real mystery. I was however totally hammered. Strangely enough though I managed to order pizza. I hope I paid the pizza man. One of the most fascinating things about getting hammered is waking up the next morning and check that modern miracle, the mobile phone. Several things can happen. A late night call to a girl friend or ex-girlfriend, a prank call to a random number (I'm sure I did that), ordering food and then passing out (I did that once), a call to a mate who you haven't spoken to in a very long time (and probably for a very good reason), arranging to meet someone and totally forgetting about it the next day.

For people who don't drink alchohol, seeing a bunch of people pissed out of there head must be pretty amusing/disgusting/appalling. I have a friend who doesn't touch the stuff for religious reasons. Never tried it either. His running commentary is amusing though. His snootiness towards people who nip off for a lunch time hydraulic sandwich is a little annoying but much of the time quite hilarious. What would the world be like without alchohol? Is it time to find out?

A nation on the brink of a smoking ban is quite interesting. Our smoking european neighbours (I read the stereotype somewhere) will somewhat be displeased. Will it harm our tourism business? Will pubs close? Probably not. Finally some sense has come to this government. This ban is great for people like me who associate drinking with smoking and vice versa. For me specifically, I welcome the ban as I'm of a character that will happily continue to do something until I'm told not to. What will they ban next? Alchohol? If statistics are right about binge drinking and kids getting hammered on Diamond White then lets ban that too. After all isn't that bad for us?

Doh!

Shallow Comment of the Day:

How long does it take to stare at a really ugly person before they become beautiful?