It was a real shame to hear of a friend of mine who had recently split up with his girlfriend. I have some sympathy for him as I myself called it a day with my lady sometime ago for entirely honourable reasons too. Single life has been kind to me, so I can convey with some confidence to my young batchelor of a mate, things will look up. Trust me. If last night was anything to go by then yes, yes, yes!
One of the perils of singledom however is that there are ladies (and I apologise to those with genuine intent and a kind heart) who can sniff out a single man from a mile away. And play them. This is not a note of bitterness. On the contrary. An observation. From experience, the moment I put my "I'm available" sign up, I had a couple of friends who overnight became from nice mate, to flirty mate. Nice try girls. Its what some people call "the Game". My friend Pickle educated me about the rules of "The Game". Intriguing as it may be and indeed Pickle is quite experienced in that field, I find myself a little too old to play "The Game". No. Not too old. I just get bored very quickly. I think most blokes of my age do. Yes, I did ask like minded fellows. Its all the more sad watching ladies play "The Game". Perhaps in my yoof, I would have said differently but life is too short to piss around.
Last night in the local watering hole was not where I intended to be. Fresh out of snotville (bad cold) looking particularly dishevelled, I had no intention of "going out on the pull". Yet the powers that be said otherwise and so I was fighting them off at the gates. No. I lie. Not quite. But success was for the taking. Alas, twas a school night.
There was a lady who Recess Monkey introduced me to a while ago, a Persian princess no less. A lady with mystical talents for catching the eye of almost all the men (and some women) in the room last night. Yet somehow I couldn't help but think (and with the utmost respect) that this seemed a common occurance to the lady. I must admit, I am no picture myself but when everyone knows that he/she knows that he/she is attracting attention, it somehow seems off putting. A drunken survey confirmed that. Blokes aren't into women who think they are all that. A few mates and I stumbled into a bar full of city folk where the guys waved the readies and the girls the boobs. The girls didn't find the merchant bankers particularly attractive (probably due to the fact they were shit faced on coke and too much money) and the boys didn't find the ladies attractive due to their taste in tacky dresses and cheap champagne. I thought the days of meat markets were over. Clearly not. Indeed, our relatively working class attitude seemed more attractive than ever and some success was achieved. Then it occurred to me, this really is about attitude. One mans tart is another mans princess. Or vice versa.
To my recently made single friend. Just a word. Enjoy singledom, but be wary of players. My knee jerk reaction to becoming single was as obvious as day. Get laid, get laid, and get laid some more. Yeah cool, just make sure its with someone you can look in the eye the next day. And I know it sounds a little sappy, but there is nothing less satisfying than jumping into the sack just fresh out of a relationship. It doesn't take you anywhere. A five knuckle shuffle is cheaper, more satisfying, and less guilt ridden.
Note to the Persian beauty: The lads and I all agree that you really are.........
Friday, March 30, 2007
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Pubs
Whilst on the road to recovery from a particularly nasty cold I pondered the meaning of "The Local". This is in reference to ones local drinking establishment. The pub. In my case, quite reluctantly is the Sports and Social. For many years it has courted controversy, you know the kind I mean, sex, drugs and rock and roll. Heavy boozing until the early hours once upon a time was common. Besides all of that, not a bad place to drink. Not great for the singletons amongst us until Thursday/Friday night where some of parliament's finest female researchers and pals congregate in what most describe as an old man's pub. In fact for most of the week it is very much that. An old mans pub.
This got me thinking. What constitutes a local pub. What are the ingredients to make a pub a local. So recalling some of the conversations I've had over the past few years with everyone from my Dad to friends who have established themselves in certain pubs for a number of years I came up with a list of what makes a local, a local.
- Dimly lit atmosphere
- Smoke hovering permanently at approximately five feet above the ground
- Juke box with the most modern music around the late eighties
- A knarly old bloke with no teeth who is already in the pub before opening time
- Ornaments on the walls of things that nobody can squarely identify but look old
- Worn out carpet usually a patterned red, but can't really make out as it is too dirty
- Mens toilet on the ground floor and womens toilet upstairs
- Pub food
- Foreign student working behind the bar hardened by regular abuse from the mid afternoon drunkard
- The mid afternoon drunkard
- Ales served that you've never heard of before and nor have the regulars
- Toilet door that doesn't lock properly
- Worn out darts board
- Bunch of mates you only ever see in the pub
- Musty, damp smell of cigarettes and spilt beer
These are some of the things that make a local pub. Perhaps what I've listed desccribes a fantasy local pub. No actually a stereo-typical local pub.
Is there such a bad thing as a local pub when some of the more modern outfits seem more like hospital wards or hotel foyers? Don't know. All I know, is if you feel welcomed, happy to spend a night in one place without getting hassled, get pissed that night and no-one bats an eye lid the next morning about your shameful antics the night before, then its good enough for me. Rock and Roll!!
Bears
In our relative time of peace. Yes one could argue that we are not. World wide terrorism is not a new thing. Its always been here. So I was curious to hear about two old allies arguing with each other about the corpse of a bear shot in Bavaria. The Italians claim that it is their corpse of a bear and demand it back from the Germans immediately. The Germans say the corpse belongs to them. Here's the little fact that got me interested. For the first time in one hundred and seventy years, a brown bear had been spotted in Germany. And what of the reaction? Shoot the bastard because its killed a few sheep, some rabbits and a guinea pig! The Alaskans and Canadians have a much better solution if a Polar bear or a Kodiak bear runs rampage. Tranquilise the poor thing and helicopter it to some remote region away from humans. So one hundred and seventy years and finally this poor bear, probably on his holidays to Germany from Italy feels a little peckish. Perhaps one too many a sheep goulash and bang. Off to bear heaven he goes.
Why on earth would anyone want a bear corpse anyway eh?
Oh. The germans apparently want to stuff the animal for display as evidence that wild bears do exist in the forests of Bavaria. How clever.
Incidentally to make matters worse. They've tried to humanise the poor creature by calling him Bruno.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Iranian Captives
Oh dear. The recent news of British Navy sailors and marines being held in Iran does seem a little coincidental to some of the posturing that is happening about Iran's nuclear capabilities. The bush administration for one can't think of a good enough excuse to bomb targets in Iran so what to the British and American govenments decide to do? Send in some people into Iranian waters to be conviniently captured. Then numerous "attempts" are made to free the hostages before a full scale attack occurs. Stick and carrot spring to mind.
Tony Blair has recently announced that if diplomatic manovures fail to secure the release of the navy personnel that events would "enter a new phase". A blatant threat of military force if ever I heard of one. Some how, I doubt very much that our forces have the strength in numbers to do anything about it. Time to call George Junior for a favour. Is this the perfect excuse for a full scale military attack? Possibly.
If I sound pro-Iranian, I am not. I do see the cynical ploy behind this though. You only have to look at the last example for the justification for war to know where I am coming from.
Maybe it will never happen....I hope.
Life on the Edge
An interesting term that. One more commonly used for rock stars, stunt (wo)men, and people who jump off buildings with parachutes. Base jumpers.
Lets look a lttle closer to home though. There are people who are expert at what they do for a living. The ability probably comes naturally to them to a point where its second nature to them. This tends to breed complacency. Which breeds the desire to to something stimulating. I know a great many intelligent people who spend there time after work seeking there thrills in one way or another. Take one example. Getting hammered every night and waking up the next morning with an almighty hangover and still doing there job as expertly as though they were sober. Then there are the people that hoover up huge quantities of Columbian marching powder and do exactly the same. People who have sex with different people every night. There are other people that play sports or read or do group activties. For the majority of people I know it just doesn't quite cut it though. What is stimulation? What is thrill seeking? The science bit makes these things explainable but I for one do not wish to approach this subject from that angle. It takes all the fun out of it.
Does anyone remember the buzz out of getting drunk or high for the first time? Yes most probably it felt nauseous. After which it gets better and better and better. People who relax by taking drugs or drinking are regular normal individuals that get a thrill in a different way to other folk who prefer to watch TV or read a book. What I'm particularly fascinated by is why some people push the boundaries of getting high to an extent that it becomes dangerous. Is it about seeking ones limitation? I think its a little more simpler than that. Whether its doing drugs or drinking lots it really points to something else. Hands up who enjoys their job? A few people here and there. I raise my hand as I have a fulfilling job. Who thinks a job is an obligation? The majority of people will raise their hands to that. The trouble with working is that the majority of peoples lives are spent in a constrained environment without much ability to express ones self. Some people do feel shackled. How many people can't wait for the end of Friday to go out and have some fun? Again loads of people. Why? Because people see it as a reward and go out and get hammered to the point that the precious weekend that they had is spent recovering from Friday. What if those rewards are given during the working day and so there is less of a need to get mashed at the end of the day? Am I suggesting that people take a quick line here and there? Or a few pints every couple of hours? No. Rewards come in different forms. Its really up to people to find them out. That in itself could be reward enough.
Why do I mention all this? I work for an organisation where the drinking culture is massive. The majority of people I know drink at my local drinking establishment day in and day out. All social activities centre around one place. There is no such thing as a lunch time drink. Its a "anytime you like" drink. People have been reprimanded for drinking all day before but it never changes the habit. Personally I think it is a shame this happens. Does anyone do anything about it? No.
Going for a drink doesn't have that same sense of occassion in that place anymore. Celebrating a birthday or something like that would have made no difference. Except that those people who normally don't buy rounds would.
I used to have a friend of mine who used to go mad on E' s and coke every Friday night. Working out a quick calcuation that amounted to about one hundred and fifty quid for a night, well a night and day. That's a lot of drugs. I have no problem with the kind of drugs that were taken, it was the quantity. That was too much. Interestingly though this person now lives a relatively Buddhist life. Healthy eating, no smoking, drinking once a month, goes cycling out in the country etc. What fascinates me is what was that trigger that made them stop such a life style and replace it with one apparently less stimulating? I'll have to ask that question one day.
I know of a person who is retiring soon and I must admit it got me thinking. What will I do if I get to that age? Spend my days in the local boozer from dawn till dusk? Or will I use my time wisely? More importantly, do I have to wait that long to make that decision? I do wonder sometimes how much people of my age/generation spend on things that only give us a quick fix and a hangover.
Seeking thrills for an otherwise unstimulating life.....
Lets look a lttle closer to home though. There are people who are expert at what they do for a living. The ability probably comes naturally to them to a point where its second nature to them. This tends to breed complacency. Which breeds the desire to to something stimulating. I know a great many intelligent people who spend there time after work seeking there thrills in one way or another. Take one example. Getting hammered every night and waking up the next morning with an almighty hangover and still doing there job as expertly as though they were sober. Then there are the people that hoover up huge quantities of Columbian marching powder and do exactly the same. People who have sex with different people every night. There are other people that play sports or read or do group activties. For the majority of people I know it just doesn't quite cut it though. What is stimulation? What is thrill seeking? The science bit makes these things explainable but I for one do not wish to approach this subject from that angle. It takes all the fun out of it.
Does anyone remember the buzz out of getting drunk or high for the first time? Yes most probably it felt nauseous. After which it gets better and better and better. People who relax by taking drugs or drinking are regular normal individuals that get a thrill in a different way to other folk who prefer to watch TV or read a book. What I'm particularly fascinated by is why some people push the boundaries of getting high to an extent that it becomes dangerous. Is it about seeking ones limitation? I think its a little more simpler than that. Whether its doing drugs or drinking lots it really points to something else. Hands up who enjoys their job? A few people here and there. I raise my hand as I have a fulfilling job. Who thinks a job is an obligation? The majority of people will raise their hands to that. The trouble with working is that the majority of peoples lives are spent in a constrained environment without much ability to express ones self. Some people do feel shackled. How many people can't wait for the end of Friday to go out and have some fun? Again loads of people. Why? Because people see it as a reward and go out and get hammered to the point that the precious weekend that they had is spent recovering from Friday. What if those rewards are given during the working day and so there is less of a need to get mashed at the end of the day? Am I suggesting that people take a quick line here and there? Or a few pints every couple of hours? No. Rewards come in different forms. Its really up to people to find them out. That in itself could be reward enough.
Why do I mention all this? I work for an organisation where the drinking culture is massive. The majority of people I know drink at my local drinking establishment day in and day out. All social activities centre around one place. There is no such thing as a lunch time drink. Its a "anytime you like" drink. People have been reprimanded for drinking all day before but it never changes the habit. Personally I think it is a shame this happens. Does anyone do anything about it? No.
Going for a drink doesn't have that same sense of occassion in that place anymore. Celebrating a birthday or something like that would have made no difference. Except that those people who normally don't buy rounds would.
I used to have a friend of mine who used to go mad on E' s and coke every Friday night. Working out a quick calcuation that amounted to about one hundred and fifty quid for a night, well a night and day. That's a lot of drugs. I have no problem with the kind of drugs that were taken, it was the quantity. That was too much. Interestingly though this person now lives a relatively Buddhist life. Healthy eating, no smoking, drinking once a month, goes cycling out in the country etc. What fascinates me is what was that trigger that made them stop such a life style and replace it with one apparently less stimulating? I'll have to ask that question one day.
I know of a person who is retiring soon and I must admit it got me thinking. What will I do if I get to that age? Spend my days in the local boozer from dawn till dusk? Or will I use my time wisely? More importantly, do I have to wait that long to make that decision? I do wonder sometimes how much people of my age/generation spend on things that only give us a quick fix and a hangover.
Seeking thrills for an otherwise unstimulating life.....
Formula One Season
Whay Hey! Formula One season is off again. It seems too long since the last one. What a thrilling finish to last season. This one seems to be even better. New teams, or should I say new team names, one tire manufacturer, new drivers and drivers in different teams. With the departure of Michael Shumacher there is now a belief that all those who thought Bernie Eccelstone and Max Mosley were race fixing can now see if that still is the case. Bernies interview on the grid just before the start would always end in the final question, "who do you think is going to win?", to which he answers and ninety percent of the time comes true.
My fantasy driver/team package would probably be McLaren, Jenson Button and Lewis Hamilton.
Kimi Raikkonen at Ferrari are likely to have the upper hand at the start of the season but if other teams such as McLaren develop at a faster rate as the season progresses, I think there will be a frenzied finish to the season with the winners being......
My prediction for the outcome this season? McLaren for the constructors and Alonso for the drivers title. Kimi Raikkonen in second with Hamilton third. Massa fourth. The rest are going to be difficult to predict as both BMW and Williams have started off very well and may upset a few usually predictable results mid season.
Honda and Jenson Button and all the hoo hah that surrounded his decision to terminate his contract with Williams has blown up in his face for two reasons. One, he effectively rubbished Williams by saying that Honda would take him to world champion status and that he believed it so much that he paid Williams twenty million plus pounds to severe his contract. Two, Honda are not delivering and will not do. This season I think will be yet another disappointing one for Honda and Jenson will still need to fulfill the remaining three years of his contract. After that he will be thirty years old, people will still remember him for shitting on William, who incidentally will probably have won more races if not a championship by then. He'll end living his F1 career in Spyker or Torro Rosso. Put Jenson into a McLaren now or even a Ferrari and we would see what he can do. A final nail for Honda is there sister team Super Aguri had the edge on Honda in Adelaide and finished much better off than Honda due to retaining last years chassis and this years engine. Oh dear.
Poor David Coultard.Poor Red Bull. Being hugely out qualified my his team mate Mark Webber was a tad embarrassing. Give the man a job commentating. Out of all the drivers he can talk the talk.I used to be a big fan of old square jaws and rejoiced in his numerous wins of old (his McLaren days). Now its time to hang up his helmet and place himself in the commentators seat. I for one would find his conversation whilst viewing the race most interesting.
If I really wanted to push the boat out for who this years winner is going to be, then it would be nice to see Kimi do it.
Special DVD deals
Being ill has its advantages. That DVD I bought a while ago on a whim now beckons me. Its funny how stupid people can be some times at DVD sales. Buy five for twenty quid. You get my drift. After much browsing you have selected four. You need five though otherwise the deal doesn't work and you have to pay for all four as individually priced. Which would amount to about seventy quid. This certainly has been the case for me and I've always opted for something I have never ever contemplated watching but I have chosen because Empire magazine rate's with four stars out of five.
For months this DVD sits on the shelf and if it had a voice would constantly be shouting "why the f*ck did you buy me?", "Watch me! watch me pleeeaaaaaseee!".
The only trouble I have now is which one out of five "dust gathering" DVD's should I watch?
The BBC production of Rome beckons me....
For months this DVD sits on the shelf and if it had a voice would constantly be shouting "why the f*ck did you buy me?", "Watch me! watch me pleeeaaaaaseee!".
The only trouble I have now is which one out of five "dust gathering" DVD's should I watch?
The BBC production of Rome beckons me....
Spartans and the Persians
I watched "300" the other day. About the 300 Spartan soldiers that held off a load of Persians. In a nutshell.
Okay. The leader of the Spartan posse was none too happy about an offer from the Persian crue to take over there land, resources and bitches and hoe's. So returned a polite message by way of killing the messenger. The Spartan dope smokers (priests) decided it would be unwise to defend or attack the persian army. Leonidas the boss had to heed this instruction and decided to go out for a pleasent country walk instead with his 300 personal body guards and perhaps meet a few hundred more mates along the way for a stroll to the beach. Much fighting thereafter ensues when the Persian lot didn't want to play beachh volley ball. The end I'll save for you to find out for yourselves.
The effects are spectacular. The acting, mmmmmm, good but not great. Blood content? Even Dracula couldn't drink that much. Decapitation and limb swapping, hardcore!
Go watch it if any of those things don't bother you too much. If they turn you on however then can I recommmend you see some who'll lock you up for a while.
On a final note. As I surfed the web, I noticed that many Iranian's were up in arms (not literally, now that would be stereo-typing) about the representation of the Persian army in the film. Funny how I didn't see greeks complaining about when "Alexander" with Colin Farrell acting as the man himself enjoying a bit of man loving, or the countless number of films about World War one and two the Germans night might been little upset about?
The BBC are planning a blockbuster movie about Maggie Thatcher and the run up to the Falklands war. I can't wait to see the reaction to that. Helen Mirren for the leading lady again? Or perhaps the puppet out of spitting image for the role.
Cold callers
Yesterday I celebrated popping into this world thirty three years ago to an almighty cold. A head full of snot and an insistent need to reduce the rainforest by a third due to the amount of tissues I am going through at the moment. I wake today feeling worse than before. Whilst making some green tea (what? 2Darts getting healthy?) the phone rings. Now normally I wouldn't answer the phone if I am at home during the day. But high on lemsip and sudafed capsules I pick it up. There is this phenomenon recently where companies use overseas cold call centres. This is easily identified by a pause before the person calling says something. Immediately I put the phone down. Seconds later the phone rings again. This time I thought it might be important. Alas not. Some dip shit calling from f*ck knows where wants to sell me something to do with finance. Immediately I reply that I am quite unwell and in no mood to speak to anyone.........
"I understand Mr 2Darts but this finan.." (Click). I put the phone down. What is wrong with these people ?
"I understand Mr 2Darts but this finan.." (Click). I put the phone down. What is wrong with these people ?
Friday, March 23, 2007
Predicting the Future
I have been known not to suffer fools gladly. So on a random web surfing excursion, well not entirely true, while researching fit sporting journalists (Emma Parker-Bowles) I came across some twat's interpretation of Nostradamus.
www.newprophecy.net
I for one don't think there is such a thing as predicting the future. Educated guesses; a more likely effort at seeing the future. No seriously, predicting the future has always been a fascinating subject. Some of the most famous people in the world have believed in seeing the future or seeking guidance from such prophets. Genghis Khan, Adolf Hitler, Boadica, Queen Victoria........King Arthur. What? you're thinking that Arthur was a made up character aren't you? That point I'll argue another time but for now, all I have to say is, Merlin. Snow White's wicked witch. Hang on a minute, most of the listed also happen to be murderous dictators too!
Seeing the future is very much a mystical ability and science aims to turn this into something tangible. Science is already trying to disprove the existence of God. I for one couldn't care less. The idea of a higher being to me is meaningless as I've always believed that God is within you. You can be your own best friend or your worst enemy. God and religion are a way to shrug off responsibility for ones own actions. Why do people pray to god and ask for help in the worst moments of time? I'm not going to travel down this road for this particular article as I don't wish to come across as being argumentative. Everyone is entitled to their beliefs. I shall continue this at a later date minus the hangover.
Science, mathematic, the universal language can eventually prove that predicting the future is possible spoiling the magical idea of "seeing the future".
...for fear of talking just a load of bollocks, I shall stop for now and continue later.....
www.newprophecy.net
I for one don't think there is such a thing as predicting the future. Educated guesses; a more likely effort at seeing the future. No seriously, predicting the future has always been a fascinating subject. Some of the most famous people in the world have believed in seeing the future or seeking guidance from such prophets. Genghis Khan, Adolf Hitler, Boadica, Queen Victoria........King Arthur. What? you're thinking that Arthur was a made up character aren't you? That point I'll argue another time but for now, all I have to say is, Merlin. Snow White's wicked witch. Hang on a minute, most of the listed also happen to be murderous dictators too!
Seeing the future is very much a mystical ability and science aims to turn this into something tangible. Science is already trying to disprove the existence of God. I for one couldn't care less. The idea of a higher being to me is meaningless as I've always believed that God is within you. You can be your own best friend or your worst enemy. God and religion are a way to shrug off responsibility for ones own actions. Why do people pray to god and ask for help in the worst moments of time? I'm not going to travel down this road for this particular article as I don't wish to come across as being argumentative. Everyone is entitled to their beliefs. I shall continue this at a later date minus the hangover.
Science, mathematic, the universal language can eventually prove that predicting the future is possible spoiling the magical idea of "seeing the future".
...for fear of talking just a load of bollocks, I shall stop for now and continue later.....
With Friends like these.....
The BBC is my portal to the news of the world. No, not the tacky tabloid but literally, my source for worldly news. So with that I came across a most amusing article. Well one line of it was rather amusing. Through the fog of night before this morning I read about the unfortunate tale of the kidnapped monkey. Not Recess Monkey for he is alive and well and involving himself in quiz night.
Here is the bit I found amusing.
"A rare squirrel monkey was stolen from his cage by a group of friends visiting Chessington World of Adventures."
Whose friends? The monkey's friends? Or was it the Koala gang on a hit gone wrong? Perhaps the monkey hadn't paid his gambling debt so someone sent the boy's around for a lesson...
Here is the bit I found amusing.
"A rare squirrel monkey was stolen from his cage by a group of friends visiting Chessington World of Adventures."
Whose friends? The monkey's friends? Or was it the Koala gang on a hit gone wrong? Perhaps the monkey hadn't paid his gambling debt so someone sent the boy's around for a lesson...
Lifts, ladies and booze
Lifts in the building that I work in are rubbish. Since the absence of distinguished VIP's in the building, the whole place has been maintained by bits of string and glue. Every week, there are problems with the lifts. They either don't work, go to the wrong floor, or don't arrive when you press the buttton to go up or down. Normally this is highly irritating. This time around however, it worked a treat. A very attractive Business Relationship Manager happened to be waiting for the lift yesterday afternoon. Small talk ensued. As we entered the lift I exclaimed how poor these lifts were (what a charmer eh!) and how they were prone to breaking down, as she press the button for the ground floor. The doors shut and a short way down the lift stopped working! Miracle. Opportunity fell upon me. A moment to flirt, and perhaps to cheekily ask her out on a date amounted to me jumping up and down to somehow get the lift going again. Oh dear.
The team pub crawl got under way late afternoon. Starting with a merry band of five, which culminated in half of the department cramming themselves into a small bar. I think I managed pint five before heading off home. Except I didn't. A convinient phone call from a friend in the Sports and Social, (considered to be my local drinking establishment) led me to join a merry band of friends on quiz night. Strangely the rest of the night from there on in became a little hazy.
Kebab, and home. Yes, yes, my voluntary ban on kebabs has been lifted. And what a kebab. Seven quid's worth of juicy chicken and lamb flesh.
Incidentally, the lift started working after jumping up and down like a lunatic.
The team pub crawl got under way late afternoon. Starting with a merry band of five, which culminated in half of the department cramming themselves into a small bar. I think I managed pint five before heading off home. Except I didn't. A convinient phone call from a friend in the Sports and Social, (considered to be my local drinking establishment) led me to join a merry band of friends on quiz night. Strangely the rest of the night from there on in became a little hazy.
Kebab, and home. Yes, yes, my voluntary ban on kebabs has been lifted. And what a kebab. Seven quid's worth of juicy chicken and lamb flesh.
Incidentally, the lift started working after jumping up and down like a lunatic.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Too Much.....
I have finally decided to end my love affair with the old pub closing time snack. The kebab. Feeling reasonably sober, I felt a little peckish. My local kebab shop provided me with what I wanted and by the time I got home, I opened the box, ate a couple of mouth fulls of the stuff and couldn't eat anymore.
I compare the experience with that of picking out a copy of Loaded magasine from my local paper and buying it. It doesn't feel right for a thirty two year old to do. Not only that, it is a little embarrassing. Yes I'm still drawing parallels with kebabs. At the kebab shop I was surrounded by young early twenty year olds out from the pub, hammered out their skulls on shandy doing exactly what I used to do at that age. Incidentally the same age group that buy Loaded magasine. Oh dear. Time to grow up Two Darts and settle for a posh turkish restaurant instead.
Oh, one final thing. A note to one irritated reader. I've made it clear in the past about who and what I written about in previous articles. The identity of who I write about is tastefully hidden. Its funny how all of the readership of this blog don't know of these people. If you don't like what you read then don't read it. Simple. This blog is for public consumption but also in some ways a journal of ones self. I occasionally read back some old entries and I see how I've changed. Its quite interesting to see how opinions change or don't. I am fortunate not to attract too much media attention with my blog unlike Recess Monkey who recently recieved compliments for his accidental reporting of the demise of Margaret Thatcher as well as plenty of threats.
I compare the experience with that of picking out a copy of Loaded magasine from my local paper and buying it. It doesn't feel right for a thirty two year old to do. Not only that, it is a little embarrassing. Yes I'm still drawing parallels with kebabs. At the kebab shop I was surrounded by young early twenty year olds out from the pub, hammered out their skulls on shandy doing exactly what I used to do at that age. Incidentally the same age group that buy Loaded magasine. Oh dear. Time to grow up Two Darts and settle for a posh turkish restaurant instead.
Oh, one final thing. A note to one irritated reader. I've made it clear in the past about who and what I written about in previous articles. The identity of who I write about is tastefully hidden. Its funny how all of the readership of this blog don't know of these people. If you don't like what you read then don't read it. Simple. This blog is for public consumption but also in some ways a journal of ones self. I occasionally read back some old entries and I see how I've changed. Its quite interesting to see how opinions change or don't. I am fortunate not to attract too much media attention with my blog unlike Recess Monkey who recently recieved compliments for his accidental reporting of the demise of Margaret Thatcher as well as plenty of threats.
Sometimes...
...I really do think that I've woken up one morning and a whole day passes by where everyone is either weird, stupid, or just dis-jointed, mentally. Yesterday was one of those days. Not only is climate change destroying earth as we know it but it is driving people insane. Terrorism is constantly at the forefront of most media. The UK in its efforts to try to replace the Trident missile system are having a hard time convincing people that it is a good thing in this age of uncertaintly. What are they talking about? Are the rogue states of the world poised to detonate nuclear weapons upon us? Does the government know something we do not? Or should I say that the government would like us to think that and will be all to happy to fan those flames of paranoia. Last nights vote to agree a plan to have a replacement system, was reluctantly agreed. What next? A demonstration of how vitally important it is to have a nuclear deterent? Another terrorist atttack should do the trick. It is a little hard not to be cynical. Hey I'm sure it was great to get rid of Saddam and his cronies for the sake of democracy and freedom. But what were those initial reasons? Al-Qaeda? WMD's? Oil? More over these kind of things breed more paranoia and the conspiracy theorists are having a field day. You see, there something for everyone!
On a serious note about climate change and other worldly looming disasters, where has the fun gone out of life. I mean, really. Where have the fun times gone? Is this a privelage that only children have now? The doom mongers will have you know about what could happen to the planet in a mere 43 years. It looks bad. Really bad. They say that if we don't reduce carbon output that disasterous consequences are at our door step. A friend of mine mentioned last night that big carbon dioxide emitters like China, India and the US are causing a lot of damage. China and India are still considered developing nations and have huge populations to support. The US.....well the US is just plain greedy and ignorant. I read about two of the largest US car manufacturers complaining that a four percent increase in fuel efficiency is far too expensive a target to meet! At what cost? What have they been doing all this time while european and japanese car manufacturers have been producing fuel efficient vehicles for quite some time. At a time where people are more aware of global issues more than ever, isn't it time we had some influence over greedy nations and greedy companies? My love of driving is something of the past. I hope that with what I do to help reduce global warming will keep my conscience a little more clear than those that do absolutely nothing.
On a serious note about climate change and other worldly looming disasters, where has the fun gone out of life. I mean, really. Where have the fun times gone? Is this a privelage that only children have now? The doom mongers will have you know about what could happen to the planet in a mere 43 years. It looks bad. Really bad. They say that if we don't reduce carbon output that disasterous consequences are at our door step. A friend of mine mentioned last night that big carbon dioxide emitters like China, India and the US are causing a lot of damage. China and India are still considered developing nations and have huge populations to support. The US.....well the US is just plain greedy and ignorant. I read about two of the largest US car manufacturers complaining that a four percent increase in fuel efficiency is far too expensive a target to meet! At what cost? What have they been doing all this time while european and japanese car manufacturers have been producing fuel efficient vehicles for quite some time. At a time where people are more aware of global issues more than ever, isn't it time we had some influence over greedy nations and greedy companies? My love of driving is something of the past. I hope that with what I do to help reduce global warming will keep my conscience a little more clear than those that do absolutely nothing.
Friday, March 02, 2007
Internet dating
As someone who never says no to new ideas, (although there as somethings I just won't do) I took a couple of days off to just chill out. Two hours into my well deserved freedom I realised that boredom does not have any positive effect. So whilst surfing the web I came across ITV's Dating site. Curiousity got the better of me so I decided to enter my (false) details and got cracking with finding a fine looking laydee. Pause for a moment. I'm increasingly seeing examples of urbanite spelling such as the one demonstrated earlier. Is the english language evolving? Are we beginning to see the dawn of a new way of spellin? Yeah man, iz like iz really hip ya kno...Perhaps not. Although there are examples of exam answers where the yoof, sorry, youth of today are writing in Textlish. U Know wot I mean. Un-pause. So Putting in my criteria of the kind of lady I would like to meet (19-99) - (I am joking), along with a few other attributes, the search sprang quite a few lovely single ladies. It was only really after reading a few examples that I discovered that along with describing ones self, that there is an attribute describing what kind of person you are. You know, easy going, independent, low maintenance and high maintenance. Who on earth would describe themselves as high maintenance? Really? Sounds like a highly desirable quality. If your a footballer. Initially I thought high maintenance was someone who'd be very expensive to take out for a night or even to live with. But for the right lady, I would spent money on her lavishly. No. High maintenance sounded a little more like needy, clingy, an emotional wreck. Those words strike fear into most single people looking for "fun, friendship.....and possibly more". Does that sound cliched? It was supposed to. For some reason, everytime I read that line in a dating ad, I keep thinking that there is a silent nudge, nudge, wink, wink to add to the last two words. Clearly I watched too much Benny Hill as a kid.
Oh finally, the classic for internet dating. Whilst sifting through more ladies, I came across a picture of a woman who lived just around the corner from me, had all the attributes that I was looking for in a lady, and looked a spitting image of Helena Christensen. Wow. Too good to be true? Yep. It was a picture of H.C. Probably the reality of it? A moose. Not just any moose, probably a dungeree wearing, feminist, border line lesbian, bi-curious, hardline communist just waiting for someone stupid enough to arrange a date, for her to then shout and scream at the poor soul for being so shallow and that beauty is only skin deep. Yeah. Yeah. Come on love, face it, it helps to look a little attractive. Just a second, is there a copyright liability for using someone elses face ? Mis-leading? Could I get my money back if she wasn't the real deal? Defamation of character? This dating stuff is way too complicated sometimes.
Oh finally, the classic for internet dating. Whilst sifting through more ladies, I came across a picture of a woman who lived just around the corner from me, had all the attributes that I was looking for in a lady, and looked a spitting image of Helena Christensen. Wow. Too good to be true? Yep. It was a picture of H.C. Probably the reality of it? A moose. Not just any moose, probably a dungeree wearing, feminist, border line lesbian, bi-curious, hardline communist just waiting for someone stupid enough to arrange a date, for her to then shout and scream at the poor soul for being so shallow and that beauty is only skin deep. Yeah. Yeah. Come on love, face it, it helps to look a little attractive. Just a second, is there a copyright liability for using someone elses face ? Mis-leading? Could I get my money back if she wasn't the real deal? Defamation of character? This dating stuff is way too complicated sometimes.
The Night that Never Was
Much anticipation and expectation was held for last night. A good friend and colleague who rarely goes out on the lash decided to do so last night and made mention of it in advance. The reason for joining our merry band was not to see Kumar get hammered, although that happened anyway, but to make it an occasion. That never was. The usual suspects were strangely absent on this particular night. The Fox, Pickle amongst a couple of others. Even that well known bar fly, my mate Dave, seemed reluctant to party on with us.
Things spiced up a little with the presence of Lembit Opik, oh and I almost forgot, and his partner. Damn. What's her name? What a cheek(y) I can't remember her name. Gabriella something or other. Ok. One Cheek of the Cheeky Girls. How did he do it? I must say, she is indeed a very attractive woman. She wasn't immediately recognisable, but noticing Lembit with a lovely lady, and putting two and two together (pre-ninth pint adds up to four) it could only have been the aforementioned lady.
Probably one of the most disappointing moments of the night, and I largely blame myself for not been as sharp as I normally am, was the moment my mate Recess Monkey introduced me to an amazingly attractive lady. No. Not the other half of the Cheeky Girls but a very attractive lady indeed. I woke up this morning a little disappointed for missing the chance to shine. Brain clearly not in gear.
Even more annoying that I hadn't managed to avoid my local kebab shop last night either. I woke up this morning thinking that kebabs had taken over the planet until I realised that one of two things happened. Either my cats had got fed up of waiting for dinner and decided to open up a kebab restaurant or that as I had no feeling on my face that I did not know where my mouth was, I took the scatter gun approach to eating. Some parts of the food must have been on target as the familiar morning after, whoops I've eaten a kebab taste made itself familiar. Looking at the aftermath of the battle of kebab, it was a bloody battle and a devastating scene.
Things spiced up a little with the presence of Lembit Opik, oh and I almost forgot, and his partner. Damn. What's her name? What a cheek(y) I can't remember her name. Gabriella something or other. Ok. One Cheek of the Cheeky Girls. How did he do it? I must say, she is indeed a very attractive woman. She wasn't immediately recognisable, but noticing Lembit with a lovely lady, and putting two and two together (pre-ninth pint adds up to four) it could only have been the aforementioned lady.
Probably one of the most disappointing moments of the night, and I largely blame myself for not been as sharp as I normally am, was the moment my mate Recess Monkey introduced me to an amazingly attractive lady. No. Not the other half of the Cheeky Girls but a very attractive lady indeed. I woke up this morning a little disappointed for missing the chance to shine. Brain clearly not in gear.
Even more annoying that I hadn't managed to avoid my local kebab shop last night either. I woke up this morning thinking that kebabs had taken over the planet until I realised that one of two things happened. Either my cats had got fed up of waiting for dinner and decided to open up a kebab restaurant or that as I had no feeling on my face that I did not know where my mouth was, I took the scatter gun approach to eating. Some parts of the food must have been on target as the familiar morning after, whoops I've eaten a kebab taste made itself familiar. Looking at the aftermath of the battle of kebab, it was a bloody battle and a devastating scene.
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Heroes
American drama series seemed to have saturated our great shores of late. While great as some of them may be, they tend to follow a well trodden path of crime themes. Take CSI for example, I've not managed to watch an episode in its entirety as I get the point of it. After much convincing by a friend of mine I managed to get around to watching 24. Admittedly, it is damn good. I am watching season 6 at the moment and after five season's I think it is buckling from the strain of having to become more innovative than the last. It has a lot to live up to after five seasons. How many more facets of the crime genre can the industry cover? Indeed are there anymore?
There are the teenage/coming of age drama's. One tree Hill, Smallville and The O.C. Again pretty compelling stuff. Why have I included Smallville? Its about a young Superman. Yes, true but after watching a handful of episodes, it still aligns itself to the two mentioned previously in certain ways.
So, on to the main topic of conversation. Yet another brand new show. But a show with more than just a difference. Rewind about two months ago. A friend of mine, Kumar (he who also convinced me to watch 24) mentioned a while back of a series called Heroes. Intrigued, I asked him what it was all about. And as articulate as ever, Kumar said with a broad grin, "its good". Taking that as a hint, as in, "don't ask, just watch". With that kind of endorsement, I had to believe the guy. Roll forward to about a month ago and I decided to watch the first eleven episodes (thanks to the miracle that is the internet). I wasn't prepared for what I saw next. I would find myself in almost as much difficulty as Kumar to articulate what this series is about. As it is now being shown in the UK, much of the mystery surrounding the series has disappeared so I can safely summarise what all the fuss is about......
Where the X-Men films are all glamour and glitz, Heroes is more...."real". How does a bored office worker who can teleport, an indestructible cheerleader, a man who can fly sound? Oh and there are more of them too with different abilities. This time around, the series doesn't decend into pretty social, moralistic mess It really, truely sticks to the objective that it sets out right from the first episode. Both are based on graphic novels but don't leet that put you off if you're not a fan of them. There is something for everyone in this brilliant new series. You'll be hooked by the first episode. I promise.
There are the teenage/coming of age drama's. One tree Hill, Smallville and The O.C. Again pretty compelling stuff. Why have I included Smallville? Its about a young Superman. Yes, true but after watching a handful of episodes, it still aligns itself to the two mentioned previously in certain ways.
So, on to the main topic of conversation. Yet another brand new show. But a show with more than just a difference. Rewind about two months ago. A friend of mine, Kumar (he who also convinced me to watch 24) mentioned a while back of a series called Heroes. Intrigued, I asked him what it was all about. And as articulate as ever, Kumar said with a broad grin, "its good". Taking that as a hint, as in, "don't ask, just watch". With that kind of endorsement, I had to believe the guy. Roll forward to about a month ago and I decided to watch the first eleven episodes (thanks to the miracle that is the internet). I wasn't prepared for what I saw next. I would find myself in almost as much difficulty as Kumar to articulate what this series is about. As it is now being shown in the UK, much of the mystery surrounding the series has disappeared so I can safely summarise what all the fuss is about......
Where the X-Men films are all glamour and glitz, Heroes is more...."real". How does a bored office worker who can teleport, an indestructible cheerleader, a man who can fly sound? Oh and there are more of them too with different abilities. This time around, the series doesn't decend into pretty social, moralistic mess It really, truely sticks to the objective that it sets out right from the first episode. Both are based on graphic novels but don't leet that put you off if you're not a fan of them. There is something for everyone in this brilliant new series. You'll be hooked by the first episode. I promise.
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Web Conferencing
Web conferencing is a wonderful thing. Except when one doesn't have a web camera. This was the case today for me. Leg a bit mashed as a consequence of slipping this morning. Microsoft Vista not support my webcam of choice and so the built in mic doesn't work either. No matter, as I assisted my fellow colleagues through their first tentative steps toward global conferencing I realised the voyeuristic nature of it all when one doesn't have a webcam. Indeed for a moment as I could only communicate via the chat facility I felt very Big Brother'ish. Other web person's would have to wait patiently for my response. Oh the POWER!!! Just kidding.
Cool stuff and I think facilities like this are a godsend for people with mobility issues or for people who cannot afford the expensive air travel to see far away relatives. On the other hand it can be a little Big Brother when you put it in the context of the "Working from Home" idea. For many, it is an excuse to have a day off and email the report you said you would do on the "Working from Home" day that you actually typed a weeks ago as evidence that you actually did some work. Does working from home mean that if you web conference that you have to wear a suit? Or that the background to the video image at home should look office like? I'm sure some bright spark will create a definition of web conferencing ettiquette.
Cool stuff and I think facilities like this are a godsend for people with mobility issues or for people who cannot afford the expensive air travel to see far away relatives. On the other hand it can be a little Big Brother when you put it in the context of the "Working from Home" idea. For many, it is an excuse to have a day off and email the report you said you would do on the "Working from Home" day that you actually typed a weeks ago as evidence that you actually did some work. Does working from home mean that if you web conference that you have to wear a suit? Or that the background to the video image at home should look office like? I'm sure some bright spark will create a definition of web conferencing ettiquette.
Pickle
My mate Pickle seemed a little uneasy when I mentioned that I had wrote and post a picture of her mate, my mate, marmite (lets not get carried away). Attention should never stray too far from Pickle for she gets a little upset. So as the the Aztec's or Mayans once did, to protect themselves from the God's anger, they would put a picture up....So here you go Pickle. A picture of you too.....
Incidentally, the Aztecs/Mayans would sacrifice some poor soul. Damn. I must research some more. I shall write a future article on the subject. Or that is write an article in the future on the subject.
Odd
Scientist back Nuclear Burial Plan - The headlines I woke up to this morning. Admittedly in the science section of the BBC news website. So what's the first thing anyone could possibly imagine? A funeral with a difference? Just imagine the neon signs above an undertakers shop. Special discounts for over 80's. What about a buy one get one free? Feel like earth or cremation just don't kick it? Prefer a nice warm glow in death? Steady on...
Burying nuclear waste. What a brilliantly stupid idea. So what if nuclear war did happen and that those burial sites were targetted? The impact of a nuclear weapon is bad enough but then to have one unearth more radioactive waste? Oh dear.
Okay. Being attacked by a nuclear weapon is a remote possibility. What about rising water tables? Global warming suggests sea levels rising. If this is the case then surely at some point the so called tunnels in which these things will be stored will flood. So unless they hope to contain these nuclear canisters in plastic or aluminium (or as the americans would say aluminum...odd), free from rust....
Here's another suggestion. Thousands of years from now and predictably civilisation ends and we all end up eating each other as there is nothing left to each. Climate change has stuffed the planet of resources. The weather is far too extreme to live on the surface. So what do we do? We dig to live underground. Super. As all records of where the nuclear waste has been buried and forgotten, people are unaware that these strange canisters are not some wonderful ancient artifact or a time capsule but something that will most likely prevent them from having babies. End of humankind. In the UK anyway.
Burying nuclear waste. What a brilliantly stupid idea. So what if nuclear war did happen and that those burial sites were targetted? The impact of a nuclear weapon is bad enough but then to have one unearth more radioactive waste? Oh dear.
Okay. Being attacked by a nuclear weapon is a remote possibility. What about rising water tables? Global warming suggests sea levels rising. If this is the case then surely at some point the so called tunnels in which these things will be stored will flood. So unless they hope to contain these nuclear canisters in plastic or aluminium (or as the americans would say aluminum...odd), free from rust....
Here's another suggestion. Thousands of years from now and predictably civilisation ends and we all end up eating each other as there is nothing left to each. Climate change has stuffed the planet of resources. The weather is far too extreme to live on the surface. So what do we do? We dig to live underground. Super. As all records of where the nuclear waste has been buried and forgotten, people are unaware that these strange canisters are not some wonderful ancient artifact or a time capsule but something that will most likely prevent them from having babies. End of humankind. In the UK anyway.
Fame at last?
I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes. Or more to the point, that a nice contributor had wrote in the last article something of a coincidence. Supposedly I have made a film. Or should I say an imposter has. How can this be? Did the film, Invasion of the Body Snatchers become real? No no. Anyway, check it out here and see for yourself...
Just remember. All is not what it seems.....
Just remember. All is not what it seems.....
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
STEAK
After fatefully searching for Steak and Cheese sauce some months ago, I have found the perfect recipe for a stilton sauce to go with my steaks. Unfortunately the ingredients necessary to bring about this sauce contains wine. Surely there must be a wine substitute. Please don't think that I'm going all evangelical on the whole alchohol thing. I was in the pub last night for a short while. But why is it that some of the finest dishes, sauces and desserts contain alchohol of some sort. Okay perhaps Steak and Guiness pie not so good. I had a bad experience with one. Well the person who cooked it for me made a mistake. Whilst the ingredients listed in the book was for four people, we were but two. So accounting for this everything was halfed. Except the amount of Guiness. So while the aroma was fantastic, the overdose of guiness was not...
I had an interesting conversation with a work colleague. While solving one of lifes mysteries in the world of computing, Pilot man (as I shall call him), described in some detail about his eating habits. One not to shun away from such a delightful topic pursued this line of conversation. Which accumulated into one about steaks. Mmmmm. Steaks. And it seems as though Pilot man and I have both been to the same website proclaiming to offer a 72oz steak for free. That's about over two kilograms of cow flesh. It has to be consumed with a potato and salad within an hour. Sounds like a dream come true for both Pilot Man and I.
The trouble is that while Good Old Blighty, thanks to the Blair years, had accelerated the process of trying to become the next state of America by allowing american supermarkets to bring cheap food and booze to the masses, fast food establishments spreading like some kind of disease and finally that place where they have loadsa cocktails and bubbly (on the verge of insane) waiters and waitresses waiting hand over foot to ensure your meal is exactly like the varnish representation on the menu, phew, TGI Friday. Where are these infamous steak houses in the UK? Are there any? Does a road trip beckon with my new friend Pilot Man? Umm. Dunno. Perhaps a trip to the local butchers might work. I wonder how much two kilograms of steak would cost here?
I had an interesting conversation with a work colleague. While solving one of lifes mysteries in the world of computing, Pilot man (as I shall call him), described in some detail about his eating habits. One not to shun away from such a delightful topic pursued this line of conversation. Which accumulated into one about steaks. Mmmmm. Steaks. And it seems as though Pilot man and I have both been to the same website proclaiming to offer a 72oz steak for free. That's about over two kilograms of cow flesh. It has to be consumed with a potato and salad within an hour. Sounds like a dream come true for both Pilot Man and I.
The trouble is that while Good Old Blighty, thanks to the Blair years, had accelerated the process of trying to become the next state of America by allowing american supermarkets to bring cheap food and booze to the masses, fast food establishments spreading like some kind of disease and finally that place where they have loadsa cocktails and bubbly (on the verge of insane) waiters and waitresses waiting hand over foot to ensure your meal is exactly like the varnish representation on the menu, phew, TGI Friday. Where are these infamous steak houses in the UK? Are there any? Does a road trip beckon with my new friend Pilot Man? Umm. Dunno. Perhaps a trip to the local butchers might work. I wonder how much two kilograms of steak would cost here?
Thursday, February 01, 2007
As cunning as a Fox
First of all I'd like to congratulate my friend Foxy on braving the cold morning yesterday to picket her bosses about pay and pensions or something like that. Clearly she mean't serious business dressed warmly with bright pink ear muffs and a bright leafy, seventies, camp, scarf. I was reminded at 7.30am that morning that I promised to bring her coffee. And then again at 8.45am. And again at 9.25am.
I remember when I first met Foxy. I thought she was a lovely lady but ever so quiet and shy. But over time, and just like a fox, she is smart, cunning, inquisitive, passionate about what she believes in (not sure if foxes do that), and versatile. Boy this sounds like a school report. Anyway, the main thing is that I'm proud of what she achieved yesterday. Well done.
Hope the effort has been worthwhile Foxy. I do have a picture of my furry little friend but I won't be posting it....as she is The Fox and her identity will remain secret.
Just a quick observation. What on earth was I talking about in my last post? No need for acid. Just lack of sleep.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Weather Balloons
A persistent question I've wanted to ask ever since I read my mate Guiness's comment in an earlier post was a mention of a Darwin award to a bloke who wanted to reach out like the guy with waxy wings to see if the Sun was as small as that? Did it take just the one balloon ? I mean how much did he have to weigh plus the couch in order to fulfill his dream of floating up to the stratosphere? Without sounding strange'ist but what kind of a weird fucker would contemplate doing that let alone doing that!?
One more thing. Are we as "normal" people qualified to define stupidity as a point in our lives where we have all once (past experience) been stupid? Is our definition of stupidity a statement of how far we are on the society ladder? Surely stupidity works on an intellectual level. As does blind arrogance which in itself lends itself to stupidity. Infact are the extremities of stupidity suggesting the beginning of innocence? Think about an innocent five year old walking down a london high street and saying "Mummy, why is that man black?" Does that sound stupid or is that simply an innocent observation? Some people may have the mentality of a five year old. Does that make them innocent or simply retarded? And not in the traditional sense. Or perhaps the retrograde mentality of the antagontist implies that as a culture that the culture is retarded...
One more thing. Are we as "normal" people qualified to define stupidity as a point in our lives where we have all once (past experience) been stupid? Is our definition of stupidity a statement of how far we are on the society ladder? Surely stupidity works on an intellectual level. As does blind arrogance which in itself lends itself to stupidity. Infact are the extremities of stupidity suggesting the beginning of innocence? Think about an innocent five year old walking down a london high street and saying "Mummy, why is that man black?" Does that sound stupid or is that simply an innocent observation? Some people may have the mentality of a five year old. Does that make them innocent or simply retarded? And not in the traditional sense. Or perhaps the retrograde mentality of the antagontist implies that as a culture that the culture is retarded...
Note on the Guiness Rant
Just re-read your parting comment and as I know your wonderful sense of humour I too would be inclinde to agree. Lets round them all up and with a branding iron, call them stupidity. But please bear in mind that when that happens you bring these moron to band together (as observed in your earlier point). As this happens and they are seen as pariahs, and most likely ridiculed, something that history has shown us; from once they were weak minded babbling fools, to in strength in numbers they grow (cue biblical music) till one day they announce themselves to the world. A new order! A new way of thinking! A new religion! Stupidism. They will infliterate our governments (its already happened in America), our schools will not longer be safe haven for religious indifference. All those who oppose Stupidism will have to wear arm bands as a mark of identity of the non believers. The skies will darken and rain turns to blood with which rivers will flow.......have I got carried away?
Twisted Logic part Deux
Whilst reading the news this morning I came across the sad news of five teenagers who died in a horrific car crash. Basically, they had stolen a Rover Metro car and eventually smashed into three walls, a lamp post and a car. A terrible waste of life. But perhaps it could have been prevented. Taking the David Cameron, hug a hoodie approach, had some rich old bastard conviniently left the keys to his Mercedes S500 in the lock, then potentially this fatality could have been avoided. Rover Metros are renound for folding like paper just by hitting a pebble. Take care of your friendly local hoodie. Give them the security they need. You can't beat a Merc.
What a terrible thing I've said. Nope. Not really. For one, where the hell did hoodie culture spring up from? Why has society gone all soft on these feral beasts that cause nothing but fear and paranoia in the decent working people. And pensioners. At the first sign of feral type symptoms, off to the Borstal they go. The thought of a bit of harmless ass raping by some seven foot, twenty stone, seventeen year old thug might make them think about stealing, mugging, beating someone. In my day the fear of god, were my parents. If I was ever caught doing something I shouldn't, then boy I would be petrified at the thought of my Dad ever finding out. Have some parents of this day and age lost all sense of discipline? That programme, Lads Army has the right idea. Bring back national service and get these idiots doing something useful.
The really sad thing about the failure of our system is that two of the lads in the accident had already been issued an ASBO. Looking at the pictures of those poor kids I can only say that was a tragic shame they lost their lives and for them to miss out on the wonders of what may have been. Incidentally, the article read was of an inquest into the manner of the accident.
What a terrible thing I've said. Nope. Not really. For one, where the hell did hoodie culture spring up from? Why has society gone all soft on these feral beasts that cause nothing but fear and paranoia in the decent working people. And pensioners. At the first sign of feral type symptoms, off to the Borstal they go. The thought of a bit of harmless ass raping by some seven foot, twenty stone, seventeen year old thug might make them think about stealing, mugging, beating someone. In my day the fear of god, were my parents. If I was ever caught doing something I shouldn't, then boy I would be petrified at the thought of my Dad ever finding out. Have some parents of this day and age lost all sense of discipline? That programme, Lads Army has the right idea. Bring back national service and get these idiots doing something useful.
The really sad thing about the failure of our system is that two of the lads in the accident had already been issued an ASBO. Looking at the pictures of those poor kids I can only say that was a tragic shame they lost their lives and for them to miss out on the wonders of what may have been. Incidentally, the article read was of an inquest into the manner of the accident.
Twisted Logic and Stereo Typing.
Whilst on my journey home after a pointless night at the boozer the bus had come to an abrupt halt as a little further up the road were lots of police cars and an ambulance was trying to cut its way through traffic. Interestingly the location for this event happened to be good old Brixton. As I approach the scene of what looked like an accident, that the way the young fellow looked and given that it was Brixton that he'd been shot. As I continued further to walk to get another bus I felt mortified about my own conclusion. What evidence did I have to arrive at this conclusion, and all I had were a bunch of statistics that I had read earlier in the year. I felt full of shame...until that is I heard other people muttering that they heard sounds of gun shots. In a twisted kind of way, that made me feel a little better.
On a final note. I remember having a pleasant conversation with a pleasant french man. But I was probably talking a load of bollocks.
On a final note. I remember having a pleasant conversation with a pleasant french man. But I was probably talking a load of bollocks.
In Response to Guiness
Thanks for your emotive response in your earlier comment. Yes indeed. Like you I had no interest in CBB and never have done. For anyone who seems to think that the antics of hand picked idiots on screen is going to cause an international incident and even make mention in Parliament is likely to be an idiot themselves. Hang on, it did.
Bigotry, racism, igorance, (or word of the month in the context of this article) plays a part in all cultures. It is not one way racism. It can be quiet un-nerving the first time I ever heard blatant racism within the indian culture. I was mortified that for all the racism I experienced, here for the first time I heard people that I once felt a part of suddenly tear down my beliefs that we were the ones who were victims. Certain relatives would say the most outrageous things. And at the same time when confronted with the accusation that they too are racist, the same reaction occurs. "Of course I'm not" or "I'm only joking." What a load of rubbish. It seems as though this form of counter-stupidity/racism only stokes this perpetual fire.
Perhaps this is why I like so many feel it better to shed a part of that identity that we inherit for an identity that we can truly call our own.
TV show or not, yes stupidity exists in all cultures, the frightening thing is that those with extreme racist, fascist, ignorant beliefs tend to whisper and mutter behind closed doors. One can only imagine the kind of real hatred they have. Simmering away in the quiet of their homes. Its those types of people who clearly haven't grasped the opportunity to embrace multiculturalism. Some say multiculturalism is a dilution of the fabric of Britishness. I also seem to remember the British Empire starting this all off. Inadvertently of course. I think as a nation we should be extremely proud in the way that as a whole we embrace all the multitudes of society, culture, race and religion. I think despite some of the inherited problems faced with our multi-culturalism we lead a more tolerant, and colourful life.
Incidentally, the nickname Guiness is not for that fact that Guiness is of Irish descent but its the only bloody thing I see him drink. And by rights Guiness could christen me a nickname based on my drinking habits too but that would mean it would be something like:
KronenbourgCiderVodkaWhiskyFostersGuinessMerlotCabernetChampagneCheapWhiteWineSambucaTheDodgyGreenStuffTheOneThatMakesMeViolentlyIll.
Bigotry, racism, igorance, (or word of the month in the context of this article) plays a part in all cultures. It is not one way racism. It can be quiet un-nerving the first time I ever heard blatant racism within the indian culture. I was mortified that for all the racism I experienced, here for the first time I heard people that I once felt a part of suddenly tear down my beliefs that we were the ones who were victims. Certain relatives would say the most outrageous things. And at the same time when confronted with the accusation that they too are racist, the same reaction occurs. "Of course I'm not" or "I'm only joking." What a load of rubbish. It seems as though this form of counter-stupidity/racism only stokes this perpetual fire.
Perhaps this is why I like so many feel it better to shed a part of that identity that we inherit for an identity that we can truly call our own.
TV show or not, yes stupidity exists in all cultures, the frightening thing is that those with extreme racist, fascist, ignorant beliefs tend to whisper and mutter behind closed doors. One can only imagine the kind of real hatred they have. Simmering away in the quiet of their homes. Its those types of people who clearly haven't grasped the opportunity to embrace multiculturalism. Some say multiculturalism is a dilution of the fabric of Britishness. I also seem to remember the British Empire starting this all off. Inadvertently of course. I think as a nation we should be extremely proud in the way that as a whole we embrace all the multitudes of society, culture, race and religion. I think despite some of the inherited problems faced with our multi-culturalism we lead a more tolerant, and colourful life.
Incidentally, the nickname Guiness is not for that fact that Guiness is of Irish descent but its the only bloody thing I see him drink. And by rights Guiness could christen me a nickname based on my drinking habits too but that would mean it would be something like:
KronenbourgCiderVodkaWhiskyFostersGuinessMerlotCabernetChampagneCheapWhiteWineSambucaTheDodgyGreenStuffTheOneThatMakesMeViolentlyIll.
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Big Bother
So a bunch of egos have left the Big Brother house and the controversy ends.....with a big moral vote, Shilpa Shetti wins and we can all feel proud of our selves for resurrecting that veil that is utopia. So voting for Shilpa, "The Indian" redeems the under current of racism in this country. What a joke. Am I suggesting that all Brits are a bunch of shallow characters; that we are too afraid to acknowledge the coal face prejudices that linger in our society? Now that would be too close to the bone. What if I were to suggest that we are a society of people too afraid to understand our own personal prejudice that we make an example and a scape goat of someone like Jade Goody? I for one as a British Indian find this whole spectacle interesting. I have a great many friends from all walks of life and from different cultures. The culture that defines me are my friends, my family, my lifestyle and my self awareness and awareness of others. People like my friends and I never see skin colour or cultural differences. Infact I'd like to think we are not even aware of it. I am proud to be one of many; and thankfully in a melting pot like in a cosmopolitan city like London to be a part of a new culture that does not recognise social or cultural difference as an excuse for prejudice, and that is wonderful.
Prejudice of some kind will always play a part in human nature for that is who we are and how we behave. But prejudice also plays a part in deciding between what is right and what is wrong. Without such a thing as that then what would become of people who willfully commit crime and disorder?
I watched the highlights of the last few weeks of the events in the CBB household tonight and there were things that I was shocked to hear. So were a great many people. But what I am truly shocked by is my own ignorance. How could I have thought such sour, narrow minded people were a thing of the past because it is as real as day and night. I thought yes it exists but only in the small minded racists that thankfully I don't have to see or hear everyday. But shockingly as by virtue of being I assumed (stupidly) a celebrity that they would at least have an understanding of the diversity of culture. How wrong I am. I could mention bullying. Prejudice of a different crime.
I have in my youth been a victim of terrible prejudice, racism at its most cruelest. There is nothing worse as a child than to question why for the sake of who you are that you aren't excepted as part of the community for the simple reason of the colour of ones skin and the different culture that one has been born into. Some say the fittest always survive. Adaptation always survives. So for all those who fear change and will not accept change, where else will they have to go? And what can they do about it when everyone else does change....
Prejudice of some kind will always play a part in human nature for that is who we are and how we behave. But prejudice also plays a part in deciding between what is right and what is wrong. Without such a thing as that then what would become of people who willfully commit crime and disorder?
I watched the highlights of the last few weeks of the events in the CBB household tonight and there were things that I was shocked to hear. So were a great many people. But what I am truly shocked by is my own ignorance. How could I have thought such sour, narrow minded people were a thing of the past because it is as real as day and night. I thought yes it exists but only in the small minded racists that thankfully I don't have to see or hear everyday. But shockingly as by virtue of being I assumed (stupidly) a celebrity that they would at least have an understanding of the diversity of culture. How wrong I am. I could mention bullying. Prejudice of a different crime.
I have in my youth been a victim of terrible prejudice, racism at its most cruelest. There is nothing worse as a child than to question why for the sake of who you are that you aren't excepted as part of the community for the simple reason of the colour of ones skin and the different culture that one has been born into. Some say the fittest always survive. Adaptation always survives. So for all those who fear change and will not accept change, where else will they have to go? And what can they do about it when everyone else does change....
A state of mind
Not that I'm counting the months that I have been single for. Okay, so I am.. A thought occurred to me just this minute about the subject. Can it be true that as long as one constantly reminds himself or herself that they are single that they are likely to remain so? There must have some truth to it. Perhaps the only time when one is truely happy is when one forgets about the fact that they are single. Perhaps then only can they/we find the happiness that we are looking for. And I'm not talking about finding that special person. I suppose it must be about being happy. Full stop. Which ever way that works out. The other day I thought about the "what ifs" and "what if I..." and concluded the same thing over and over again. What if I realise that what has happened and what consequences that followed are just a form of change that forever we all go through. Some people find it hard to accept this basic rule of life. Things change constantly no matter how colourful or bland ones life is. It is constantly changing.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Funny Day
Just heard the most funniest and probably the daftest statement today.
Some bloke on Celebrity Big Brother quoted as saying "I'm worried about the health and safety of death". Irony doesn't quite capture the moment.
Another daft mention goes to a colleague of mine. While mentioning the virtues of having a sensible naming convention when unifying printer names where the prefix "L" is descriptive of a printer function he concluded "I think L is a good letter for Location". Sorry perhaps you had to be there and to have understood the context.
Some bloke on Celebrity Big Brother quoted as saying "I'm worried about the health and safety of death". Irony doesn't quite capture the moment.
Another daft mention goes to a colleague of mine. While mentioning the virtues of having a sensible naming convention when unifying printer names where the prefix "L" is descriptive of a printer function he concluded "I think L is a good letter for Location". Sorry perhaps you had to be there and to have understood the context.
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Narrow minded fools and climate change
Chrysler announced its doubts about climate change suggesting that it is way way in the future. Why. Money. Why else? Profits are down. Can't shift enough crappy gas guzzling cars. Who on earth would be stupid enough to suggest that it isn't really happening. Sounds like a company on its last legs. We have only to witness events around the world. Extreme weather. Massively power hurricanes battering parts of coastal US. Tornado frequency increasing. There was one in London not so long ago. Flooding, hail etc. Isn't it obvious that it is happening now? Only holocaust deniers are worse. I think in all honesty Chrysler should really look to moving away from traditional car manufacturing and go into the canoe business.
Sport and Drugs
Sorry about the drug themed post.
There is wide spread condemnation of drug use within sport. An MP called for a more relaxed approach to recreational drugs and sports people. Not worthy of a fuller explanation really as it is about the most ridiculous thing to say. It got me thinking though. All those fallen heroes of sport. Ben Johnson in particular. Cheated twice. But not before smashing the one hundred metre sprint record. What would it be like to have an athletics championship for sports athletes high on the drug of their choice? Would the sprint to a hundred metres ever be achieved in eight seconds or less? Or what about the four metre high jump? The one mile shot put throw? Or better still the five hundred mile marathon?
There is wide spread condemnation of drug use within sport. An MP called for a more relaxed approach to recreational drugs and sports people. Not worthy of a fuller explanation really as it is about the most ridiculous thing to say. It got me thinking though. All those fallen heroes of sport. Ben Johnson in particular. Cheated twice. But not before smashing the one hundred metre sprint record. What would it be like to have an athletics championship for sports athletes high on the drug of their choice? Would the sprint to a hundred metres ever be achieved in eight seconds or less? Or what about the four metre high jump? The one mile shot put throw? Or better still the five hundred mile marathon?
...and another thing.
On the subject of cocaine. Not wishing to characterise habitual users I shall try to remain objective. I've always found stereotyping drug users a useful way of avoiding certain types. As I have admitted before I in my youth have experienced different types of substances by virtue of being a university student. Having crawled out the otherside otherwise unaffected I take pleasure upon reflection and obsevation of those who never quite made it out of that dark pit. Again I will try to not sound too judgemental.
Glue sniffers (are there any left?) have red and running nose and are social pariahs. The advertisments in the late seventies and eighties ensured a whole generation of youth (including me) that it was a terribly evil thing to do. Indeed I never ever took part in the solvent abuse craze.
Heroin. Miserable ashened faced homeless, prostitutes with nothing more to life than the next hit. Trainspotting characterises a user well. Having never done it and never will, my source material is only of research. So seemingly these people are already dead to the world.
Dope smokers. Ahh. Yes, having been there and done that I have fond memories. Having no ill effects what so ever apart from the occasional short term memory loss while stoned was all. But far from being dreamy and glamorous, far too much time was wasted lying on the couch listening to trippy music. Too much time wasted doing nothing.
Acid. Not something anyone would do habitually. Although I have heard of stories of people missing for a week only to re-appear suddenly after taking one too many an acid tab. Freaky sounding and looking people. Watchout for them as the chances are, they probably did one too many. Not necessarily a danger to the public but socially on a different plane.
Cocaine. This particular substance I feel is a strange one. Having witnessed numerous people on it and habitual users not on it I safely say this one is for tossers. I have been told that this is the drug for people lacking self esteem. Yes of course it makes you chatty, popular and fun to be with. That's the perception of the user. For the observer and indeed some can tell the difference between a natural tosser and a coked up one, the user can be highly irritating. Taken in small doses I'm sure it helps but I have never ever come across someone who knows when enough is enough. Some say the drug was exclusively for the rich but now is cheaper and therefore available for a wider audience. Bad. Very bad stuff. I do have a mistrust for these habitual users. Experience tells me so. Having to duck most mornings in an open plan sales office because the boss thows a chair across at any random person because he has a really bad withdrawal symptom from the night before is a most unpleasant experience. Listening to someone talking shit all night long is not fun either. Nor is the fact that after the effects have worn off, all that person does is sleep.
I have noticed that I've written about this one in great length. The reason why is that given the last fourteen years I have experienced and have witnessed a variety of substances taken, they are nothing more than a shadow in my history. Cocaine however is something that some people I know of is a part of their lifestyle. Not only that but as I have a mistrust of people who sniff the stuff as easily as an alchoholic does with booze. The sad truth of it is as much as I like some of these types of people, I just can't ever trust them. Is it fair on them? No. But at the same time are these people really who they are or just their persona a consequence big bag of the white stuff? With dope, you know that person is stoned. With coke, it is much more difficult to spot the user. Although the next time you walk through your office and spot the office tosser then the chances are that they also sniff cocaine.
Glue sniffers (are there any left?) have red and running nose and are social pariahs. The advertisments in the late seventies and eighties ensured a whole generation of youth (including me) that it was a terribly evil thing to do. Indeed I never ever took part in the solvent abuse craze.
Heroin. Miserable ashened faced homeless, prostitutes with nothing more to life than the next hit. Trainspotting characterises a user well. Having never done it and never will, my source material is only of research. So seemingly these people are already dead to the world.
Dope smokers. Ahh. Yes, having been there and done that I have fond memories. Having no ill effects what so ever apart from the occasional short term memory loss while stoned was all. But far from being dreamy and glamorous, far too much time was wasted lying on the couch listening to trippy music. Too much time wasted doing nothing.
Acid. Not something anyone would do habitually. Although I have heard of stories of people missing for a week only to re-appear suddenly after taking one too many an acid tab. Freaky sounding and looking people. Watchout for them as the chances are, they probably did one too many. Not necessarily a danger to the public but socially on a different plane.
Cocaine. This particular substance I feel is a strange one. Having witnessed numerous people on it and habitual users not on it I safely say this one is for tossers. I have been told that this is the drug for people lacking self esteem. Yes of course it makes you chatty, popular and fun to be with. That's the perception of the user. For the observer and indeed some can tell the difference between a natural tosser and a coked up one, the user can be highly irritating. Taken in small doses I'm sure it helps but I have never ever come across someone who knows when enough is enough. Some say the drug was exclusively for the rich but now is cheaper and therefore available for a wider audience. Bad. Very bad stuff. I do have a mistrust for these habitual users. Experience tells me so. Having to duck most mornings in an open plan sales office because the boss thows a chair across at any random person because he has a really bad withdrawal symptom from the night before is a most unpleasant experience. Listening to someone talking shit all night long is not fun either. Nor is the fact that after the effects have worn off, all that person does is sleep.
I have noticed that I've written about this one in great length. The reason why is that given the last fourteen years I have experienced and have witnessed a variety of substances taken, they are nothing more than a shadow in my history. Cocaine however is something that some people I know of is a part of their lifestyle. Not only that but as I have a mistrust of people who sniff the stuff as easily as an alchoholic does with booze. The sad truth of it is as much as I like some of these types of people, I just can't ever trust them. Is it fair on them? No. But at the same time are these people really who they are or just their persona a consequence big bag of the white stuff? With dope, you know that person is stoned. With coke, it is much more difficult to spot the user. Although the next time you walk through your office and spot the office tosser then the chances are that they also sniff cocaine.
Inexpensive high
Actually there is a subtle irony in the title. Some weeks ago I read that ninety nine percent of english bank notes had traces of cocaine on them. This morning yet another report that one hundred percent of irish euros had cocaine one them also. So exactly how many notes would one need to lick to get high on the stuff? Indeed who would be so desperate enough to lick said notes knowing that a part of it had been up some ones nose? A sticky problem but not one to be sniffed at...
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Can anyone be more....
...stupid!!! Either I am talking about myself or someone else. Some of you might opt for the former. Ok. Last night I lost a fiver. And for once paid up. It was a test of the english language of "me, myself or I". Unfortunately I lost. Damn. It all came down to whether "Dave and I" or "Dave and me". Which was the correct way of saying? I lost on a majority. Oh well.
Really not happy about the remainder of last night though. The sheer rudeness of some people in a public house. Being friendly is a good thing in a place like a pub. Being with friends in a pub is better. Unfortunately I witnessed a particularly humiliating spectacle by which a poor bloke was left utterly humiliated by two of his friends for seemingly no reason. I don't know. The sheer arrogance of some people eh? Luckily the landlord of the establishment is rather good pals with the man in question and as a parting shot, the landlord may well ban the idiots. Who needs riff raff like that in a fine establishment like that eh?
Really not happy about the remainder of last night though. The sheer rudeness of some people in a public house. Being friendly is a good thing in a place like a pub. Being with friends in a pub is better. Unfortunately I witnessed a particularly humiliating spectacle by which a poor bloke was left utterly humiliated by two of his friends for seemingly no reason. I don't know. The sheer arrogance of some people eh? Luckily the landlord of the establishment is rather good pals with the man in question and as a parting shot, the landlord may well ban the idiots. Who needs riff raff like that in a fine establishment like that eh?
Monday, January 08, 2007
There's no such thing as...
I heard an interesting tale of a friend who had been dating a lady for a short while and had been feeling a little down in the dumps. His summarisation of events lead him to believe that he'd been used as nothing but a ticket for a free meal and drink. Chin up dear boy, just think, the same could be said for if you were swimming off the coast of South Africa and a Great White Shark took a bite of your leg.....
Friends
What is it about Friends? One can share moments of joy and happiness with them and also sorrow and sadness too. And sometimes you wonder why it all had to end. A clash of egos perhaps? Money? Fame? Or just plain boredom? I am of course talking about the TV series and not myself. Over the festive season (doesn't it seem like a long time ago?) I was entertained by the many episodes televised. How on earth had I missed this bit of comedic genius? Its not that I've lived on a different planet or have never ever seen an episode, its that I'd never bother paying too much attention to it before. So, my first new years resolution will be to catch up on ten years worth of Friends. Mmm. That last sentence has a sense of irony.......if I had been in a coma for a considerable length of time..
Dazed and Confused
Oh dear. Oh dear. What on earth has happened. I awake this cold morning still feeling a little numb from this weekends events......
WHY OH WHY DID LIVERPOOL CRASH AND BURN? I had a prediction with a friend of mine who is much more of a football fan than I about the result. The friend in question is an Arsenal fan and I Liverpool. What an interesting time this was going to be. 2 -1 was my prediction for Liverpool. just after thirty five minutes and we went down 1. To describe the rest of the match would be too depressing but with Liverpool coming back one I thought this was the turn around. But no. The cup holders are out. And with all the finesse of Streatham and Tooting. Damn. So who will I be cheering on? Well it'll have to be Arsenal.....
WHY OH WHY DID LIVERPOOL CRASH AND BURN? I had a prediction with a friend of mine who is much more of a football fan than I about the result. The friend in question is an Arsenal fan and I Liverpool. What an interesting time this was going to be. 2 -1 was my prediction for Liverpool. just after thirty five minutes and we went down 1. To describe the rest of the match would be too depressing but with Liverpool coming back one I thought this was the turn around. But no. The cup holders are out. And with all the finesse of Streatham and Tooting. Damn. So who will I be cheering on? Well it'll have to be Arsenal.....
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Strange occurences
Weird night. And I didn't have cheese before bed time. Actually I munched a packet of cheddars. Not technically cheese. Cheesy flavour. Mmmm.
Whilst in dream land, my dream mobile phone started dream ringing. Loud enough to wake me to find that my real mobile phone had rung. Whilst in dream land I answered it a fit babe spoke, reality seemed a little less glamorous. The voicemail left was of a lady but not asking for me. A wrong number....at 3.00am!
Back to dream land again and later in the dream whilst trekking through a muddy field looking for a monster eating people the dream mobile phone goes again. This time its a text. Again from a fit babe. I even read it. I can't remember the contents but I awake to find a text from a lady friend on the real mobile phone and yes theres a message but different to the one in the dream.
Note to one self. Do not think that you are experiencing messages from the "other world".
Whilst in dream land, my dream mobile phone started dream ringing. Loud enough to wake me to find that my real mobile phone had rung. Whilst in dream land I answered it a fit babe spoke, reality seemed a little less glamorous. The voicemail left was of a lady but not asking for me. A wrong number....at 3.00am!
Back to dream land again and later in the dream whilst trekking through a muddy field looking for a monster eating people the dream mobile phone goes again. This time its a text. Again from a fit babe. I even read it. I can't remember the contents but I awake to find a text from a lady friend on the real mobile phone and yes theres a message but different to the one in the dream.
Note to one self. Do not think that you are experiencing messages from the "other world".
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
This Life +10
Last night featured the much anticipated reunion of This Life. And what memories it brought back. It started off a little slow and perhaps a little naff. The idea of a person filming the group of friends seemed a little at odds with the feel of the original show. But as ever, it developed into essentially very much the same as before with all the thrills and drama of old. What a cracking hour and twenty minutes! I'd say it was worth doing this one off and for once, a one off of an old series paid off. Those of you who haven't seen the original or This Life +10 won't give a toss about what I'm saying. But for those who like me watched it ever faithfully will relate to the characters and indeed in this update, relate to how things in life have progressed, for better or worse.
Dangerous Dogs
The unfortunate incident of a poor young girl attacked and killed by a pit bull type dog again raises the question of the ownership of such an animal. Oh how we say that we are a nation of dog lovers. Yet so many are still bought on a whim for some hapless hoody who swaggers around with all the cockiness of retarded gorilla. How on earth do they obtain pitbulls and the such at such a young age? Do they plead with "puppy dog eyes" to their moronic parents that they don't feel safe out on the streets and need protection? Stick a condom over yer head! I would love to own a dog but have two cats for the simple reason that I can't commit to an animal that if it doesn't get the love and attention it deserves could turn into something truly demonic. I guess I too would turn mad if I were left alone for most of the day and then not tended to. Actually forget that last comment.
Why do we allow people to keep such animals? Indeed why are people who clearly are incapable of looking after such animals allowed to do so? These dogs are bred for a specific purpose. To kill animals smaller than themselves. Its in their blood. Anyone who says that's a load of rubbish clearly is talking a load of rubbish too. Take the case of Roy of Siegfried & Roy, who for years raised "tame" tigers only to be mauled by one. Just because they may have been raised from birth by humans doesn't mean to say that their natural instincts will have been supressed. Instinct is an uncontrollable desire.
I have to respect my cat. Even though he might be a relatively small creature; if he's pissed off or wants to play a little too agressively, those claws are out to play. And if there's contact, boy does it sting. If he gets his nashers into you then you know about it.
Is owning a pitbull terrier, german sheperd, rottweiler or a doberman about status? Of course it is. Sure they look like amazing beasts and in the proper hands would make wonderful pets and for those sensible people who do make good pets of them; I salute you. But the example of the poor girl killed by a family pet as dangerous as the one mentioned in the papers. How irresponsible was it to have ever imagined that a tiny little girl like that wouldn't be seen as a meal......
Why do we allow people to keep such animals? Indeed why are people who clearly are incapable of looking after such animals allowed to do so? These dogs are bred for a specific purpose. To kill animals smaller than themselves. Its in their blood. Anyone who says that's a load of rubbish clearly is talking a load of rubbish too. Take the case of Roy of Siegfried & Roy, who for years raised "tame" tigers only to be mauled by one. Just because they may have been raised from birth by humans doesn't mean to say that their natural instincts will have been supressed. Instinct is an uncontrollable desire.
I have to respect my cat. Even though he might be a relatively small creature; if he's pissed off or wants to play a little too agressively, those claws are out to play. And if there's contact, boy does it sting. If he gets his nashers into you then you know about it.
Is owning a pitbull terrier, german sheperd, rottweiler or a doberman about status? Of course it is. Sure they look like amazing beasts and in the proper hands would make wonderful pets and for those sensible people who do make good pets of them; I salute you. But the example of the poor girl killed by a family pet as dangerous as the one mentioned in the papers. How irresponsible was it to have ever imagined that a tiny little girl like that wouldn't be seen as a meal......
Monday, January 01, 2007
Happy New Year!
I have a brain the size of a peanut.
Happy New Year to you all. A point worthy of mention. To my mate Guiness: You know we were talking about the virtues of a hangover? Or more importantly the definition of one? And how one does not get one these days? Well mother of god! I have one! Thankfully the focus of making some kind of sense on this article is taking the pain away.
On to other things.
I awake just before midday to a glorious sunny day. I recall a fabulous night with my mate Guiness and my special lady with friends. The night started out with all the optimism of a turtle in a big cooking pot. Guiness certainly lifted my spirit somewhat and mid evening I was more than pleasantly suprised by the company of a certain lady who I think is just about the best thing around. Much better than I can describe at the moment........
..sorry where was I ?
Waking on this the first day of 2007 I feel positive whilst yearning for a curry/kebab/pizza. I wonder if a curry house is open at this time of the day? Also wonder if Jason and the Argonauts is on? Rambling.........
Happy New Year to you all. A point worthy of mention. To my mate Guiness: You know we were talking about the virtues of a hangover? Or more importantly the definition of one? And how one does not get one these days? Well mother of god! I have one! Thankfully the focus of making some kind of sense on this article is taking the pain away.
On to other things.
I awake just before midday to a glorious sunny day. I recall a fabulous night with my mate Guiness and my special lady with friends. The night started out with all the optimism of a turtle in a big cooking pot. Guiness certainly lifted my spirit somewhat and mid evening I was more than pleasantly suprised by the company of a certain lady who I think is just about the best thing around. Much better than I can describe at the moment........
..sorry where was I ?
Waking on this the first day of 2007 I feel positive whilst yearning for a curry/kebab/pizza. I wonder if a curry house is open at this time of the day? Also wonder if Jason and the Argonauts is on? Rambling.........
Boxing.
Nasim Hamed stripped of his MBE. I wonder how many other people have suffered the same fate. And in case some of you don't know who this chap is then let me remind you. He was a first class british boxer known for his quick fists and fancy leg work and also an ego the size of Jupiter. Not so long ago he crashed his McLaren Mercedes into another blokes car whilst overtaking on a blind bend. Said bloke got totally mashed up nearly beating Evil Kinevels broken body parts record. So it has taken this long for old Queeny to withdraw the MBE award for the stupid, arrogant lardy arse boxer. And on New Years day as well! Bad timing.
Some people maybe thinking the little fat f**ker might do one of two things. Be totally remorseful and back a major comeback into the ring and win for Queen and country or head down to the nearest boozer and drink himself into oblivion. Okay. He is a devout muslim so probably not the latter. Or perhaps Queeny has a really cunning plan and she is not the silly half wit that some of us think she is. Perhaps she really is a secret fan of blobby ex-boxer and just wants to see him back in the ring again and the only way she can get him to fight again is to withdraw the MBE and suggest that if wants to have it back he will have to fight again......
What on earth am I talking about.
Some people maybe thinking the little fat f**ker might do one of two things. Be totally remorseful and back a major comeback into the ring and win for Queen and country or head down to the nearest boozer and drink himself into oblivion. Okay. He is a devout muslim so probably not the latter. Or perhaps Queeny has a really cunning plan and she is not the silly half wit that some of us think she is. Perhaps she really is a secret fan of blobby ex-boxer and just wants to see him back in the ring again and the only way she can get him to fight again is to withdraw the MBE and suggest that if wants to have it back he will have to fight again......
What on earth am I talking about.
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Hollyoak Climax
Being a fan of that yoof soap drama Hollyoaks I was utterly gripped by the simmering story of the evil Claire architecting the demise of poor old Max and Tom Cunningham and doing a runner with his money.
This plot has been building and building for the last few months until finally it reached its conclusion just the other day. In all my wisdom, I settled down to watch the two double parter on the Wednesday only to realise that I was due to go out Thursday for a couple of beverages with my mate Pickle. The conclusive episodes were on Thursday. Bummer! So the last episode is a Max who has just had major heart surgery and his evil wife Claire who has been emptying his drug capsules of medicine finally cottons on that she is indeed evil tries to do a runner with his little bruv Tom. So just as he confronts her about her scheming ways then just as night turns to day she convinces him that he's lost the plot. The strain is too much and he faints. The next thing, Claire has taken Tom out for a game of footy (supposedly). Max comes round to hear Claire screaming that Tom has fallen into the icy lake. With all the strength he could muster, Max struggles to the lake to see Tom's jacket floating in the lake. He jumps in and frantically tries to find the poor little soul only to realise that he has been locked in the car. The betrayal and the smirk of Claire is all too much as he goes into shock and sinks.
Mean time, O.B. Max's best ex-mate finding out where the evil wench has taken the two helpless heros comes tearing around the corner, takes one look at Claire and decks her one (that is hitting her across the face) and jumps into save Max. He drags him out....(intro emotive music). And that was it. What a tear jerker. I almost cried. Then by chance, yesterday evening they did the repeat and what joy it was to see Max alive and well!! Hooray!!!!
This plot has been building and building for the last few months until finally it reached its conclusion just the other day. In all my wisdom, I settled down to watch the two double parter on the Wednesday only to realise that I was due to go out Thursday for a couple of beverages with my mate Pickle. The conclusive episodes were on Thursday. Bummer! So the last episode is a Max who has just had major heart surgery and his evil wife Claire who has been emptying his drug capsules of medicine finally cottons on that she is indeed evil tries to do a runner with his little bruv Tom. So just as he confronts her about her scheming ways then just as night turns to day she convinces him that he's lost the plot. The strain is too much and he faints. The next thing, Claire has taken Tom out for a game of footy (supposedly). Max comes round to hear Claire screaming that Tom has fallen into the icy lake. With all the strength he could muster, Max struggles to the lake to see Tom's jacket floating in the lake. He jumps in and frantically tries to find the poor little soul only to realise that he has been locked in the car. The betrayal and the smirk of Claire is all too much as he goes into shock and sinks.
Mean time, O.B. Max's best ex-mate finding out where the evil wench has taken the two helpless heros comes tearing around the corner, takes one look at Claire and decks her one (that is hitting her across the face) and jumps into save Max. He drags him out....(intro emotive music). And that was it. What a tear jerker. I almost cried. Then by chance, yesterday evening they did the repeat and what joy it was to see Max alive and well!! Hooray!!!!
You see!? Hollyoaks isn't all tits and arse. Although that Louise (pictured above) does look dishier by the day.
A question of ....excess
Football. A great sport. A national sport for us brits. My order of preference. Formula 1, Boxing, Football, Darts, Snooker/Pool, and then everything else.
For most people, and I have asked this to many about which comes first in there life. And if you get a sensible answer then the result would be roughly as follows:
Partner/Spouse/Other-half/Ball and Chain, family and friends, work, hobbies/sport, everything else.
I would put myself in that particular way as well.
For some however, football or a sport, becomes the only thing in there life. I've watched a couple of good football movies but usually the ones that would suggest that they are more of a training manual for football violence more than anything else (Green Street, Football Factory, I.D). Just the other day I was asked if I want to see the Millwall and Gillingham game. If I am to retain my charming good looks then going to that game was a no no.
I am rambling a little here. My football team of choice is Liverpool and has been since I was a kid. I've never been to watch them. No opportunity and South London seems devoid of Liverpool fans. I prefer the comfort of a pub or living room with a few beers anyway.
So my point being that I fail to understand how any person can be so consumed by the beautiful game that the whole culture of football is rather like a rudder on a ship. Something that steers an individual through life. Work, family and friends are just an unfortunate consequence of life.
That phrase, "too much of a good thing...." Seems to ring true. Like eating too much bacon would give you a heart attack. Drinking too much booze will wreck your liver. Smoking too much will turn your lungs into raisins. And finally too much drugs like cocaine will make your nose drop off, or depending where you administer it, will make that body part drop off. Actually I think coke does a little more than that. Paranoia, mood swings, irritability. Hey! hang on. Doesn't that happen when any of the other things are suddenly absent from ones system? Not sure about the bacon though.
Just looking at that quick list, it seems that I could have chosen anyone of those topics. But I believe I have lectured on the woes of these substances before. Football seemed a more challenging prospect. For example, I have yet to understand how if Liverpool (the team I support) lost like they did last week, but yesterday results put us ahead of Arsenal again, would ruin my day......
I think the closest I have ever felt like that was Mika Hakkinen losing the world championship in 2000.
For most people, and I have asked this to many about which comes first in there life. And if you get a sensible answer then the result would be roughly as follows:
Partner/Spouse/Other-half/Ball and Chain, family and friends, work, hobbies/sport, everything else.
I would put myself in that particular way as well.
For some however, football or a sport, becomes the only thing in there life. I've watched a couple of good football movies but usually the ones that would suggest that they are more of a training manual for football violence more than anything else (Green Street, Football Factory, I.D). Just the other day I was asked if I want to see the Millwall and Gillingham game. If I am to retain my charming good looks then going to that game was a no no.
I am rambling a little here. My football team of choice is Liverpool and has been since I was a kid. I've never been to watch them. No opportunity and South London seems devoid of Liverpool fans. I prefer the comfort of a pub or living room with a few beers anyway.
So my point being that I fail to understand how any person can be so consumed by the beautiful game that the whole culture of football is rather like a rudder on a ship. Something that steers an individual through life. Work, family and friends are just an unfortunate consequence of life.
That phrase, "too much of a good thing...." Seems to ring true. Like eating too much bacon would give you a heart attack. Drinking too much booze will wreck your liver. Smoking too much will turn your lungs into raisins. And finally too much drugs like cocaine will make your nose drop off, or depending where you administer it, will make that body part drop off. Actually I think coke does a little more than that. Paranoia, mood swings, irritability. Hey! hang on. Doesn't that happen when any of the other things are suddenly absent from ones system? Not sure about the bacon though.
Just looking at that quick list, it seems that I could have chosen anyone of those topics. But I believe I have lectured on the woes of these substances before. Football seemed a more challenging prospect. For example, I have yet to understand how if Liverpool (the team I support) lost like they did last week, but yesterday results put us ahead of Arsenal again, would ruin my day......
I think the closest I have ever felt like that was Mika Hakkinen losing the world championship in 2000.
Saturday, December 30, 2006
'tis the season to be jolly....tra la la la la ....
Things not to do during the festive season.
Shopping - "Are you going to the christmas sales?" asked a friend of mine. Mmmm. Why not I thought as I made the very short journey towards Croydon and turned back at the first hint of traffic and volume of people. Avoid large shopping centres and supermarkets
A quick trip to Victoria did the trick. Quick journey and hassle free. Got served immediately. Had a nice meal. Came home. Hassle free. What a gem of a place Victoria is for shopping. Who needs Oxford Street.
Making New Years celebrations arrangements - They always go tits up. Safer to be locked in with a bottle of bubbly or down to the local drinking establishment that you know and love.
Prepare for any kind of new years resolution - Quit smoking? Cut down drinking? ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! - but will try
Contact old friends - I wonder how many people have tried this one. It just doesn't work. Not only that, there were good reasons that people drift apart. Just like scientist shouldn't drill down to Lake Vostok....You don't want to unleash something potentially lethal from something that has laid dormant for years.
Shopping - "Are you going to the christmas sales?" asked a friend of mine. Mmmm. Why not I thought as I made the very short journey towards Croydon and turned back at the first hint of traffic and volume of people. Avoid large shopping centres and supermarkets
A quick trip to Victoria did the trick. Quick journey and hassle free. Got served immediately. Had a nice meal. Came home. Hassle free. What a gem of a place Victoria is for shopping. Who needs Oxford Street.
Making New Years celebrations arrangements - They always go tits up. Safer to be locked in with a bottle of bubbly or down to the local drinking establishment that you know and love.
Prepare for any kind of new years resolution - Quit smoking? Cut down drinking? ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! - but will try
Contact old friends - I wonder how many people have tried this one. It just doesn't work. Not only that, there were good reasons that people drift apart. Just like scientist shouldn't drill down to Lake Vostok....You don't want to unleash something potentially lethal from something that has laid dormant for years.
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Comedy
Just watching Father Ted Christmas Special.
Best bit by far is eight priests lost in Irelands biggest lingerie section at a department store while Father Jack is passed out in the creche with the kids shouting bastards....Hilarious!
Best bit by far is eight priests lost in Irelands biggest lingerie section at a department store while Father Jack is passed out in the creche with the kids shouting bastards....Hilarious!
Odd thing to Say
Whilst watching "Animals in the Womb", which incidentally was the source of my last post, I heard the line,
"....so the female elephant has dedicated four years of her life because of a single sperm."
Was there a hint of feminism in that sentence? Or was the female commentator speaking out for the hundreds of female elephants out there? Would it have sounded any better for David Attenborough or other bloke commentator to have said the same? Perhaps not.
It almost makes a bloke feel guilty. Ouch!
"....so the female elephant has dedicated four years of her life because of a single sperm."
Was there a hint of feminism in that sentence? Or was the female commentator speaking out for the hundreds of female elephants out there? Would it have sounded any better for David Attenborough or other bloke commentator to have said the same? Perhaps not.
It almost makes a bloke feel guilty. Ouch!
Well I Never!
A male elephants testicles weighs 6 kilograms...presumably each? Bet that makes a man feel a little.....well little. And they don't drop either. So kicking a charging bull elephant in the balls won't make the slightest bit of difference. Start praying.....
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Rats!
I'm a fan of science mags and I regularly buy Focus magazine. An interesting article about rats in the urban environment caught my attention. One part in particular worried me slightly. It seems as though these critters can evolve at an amazing rate. A small colony of rats finding home in an industrial freezer over some generations had adapted to their environment in creatures with longer hair and shorter tails. All in the space of a few decades as opposed to millions of years of evolution for us human beings. Incredible. Are we seeing a step up in the takeover the dominant species, humans? Perhaps by our own making are we promoting these vermin into a super species that in thousands of years may evolve into a human like physiology but with big teeth?
The current evidence is that these animals can tolerate high levels of toxic chemicals associated with rat poison. As mentioned before, they adapt extremely quickly and thanks to our love of McDonalds and other fast foods discarded by drunken revellers, fatten them up and make them stronger. Its is a heavy protein diet that makes them this way. Interestingly with the chemicals we currently ingest with this kind of crap, surely their fate is sealed in much the same way is ours. A population of overweight lardy arses?
The current evidence is that these animals can tolerate high levels of toxic chemicals associated with rat poison. As mentioned before, they adapt extremely quickly and thanks to our love of McDonalds and other fast foods discarded by drunken revellers, fatten them up and make them stronger. Its is a heavy protein diet that makes them this way. Interestingly with the chemicals we currently ingest with this kind of crap, surely their fate is sealed in much the same way is ours. A population of overweight lardy arses?
Virgin and religion
I came across an interesting article tonight. Komodo dragons giving birth to baby dragons without intercourse with a bloke dragon. Interesting phenomenon. I suppose it adds credibility to the Jesus birth theory, you know, the Virgin Mary and all that. Does this mean the re-birth of Jesus Christ?
Wisdom and Pickle
After cheering me up my mate Pickle gave me some sound advice.
"life goes on and on and on and on......"
Sound.
"life goes on and on and on and on......"
Sound.
Feeling like Sh*t.
Three reasons to feel like crap this morning.
Firstly, I enjoyed a night out last night with some of the "old crew" colleagues and mates for a final drink at my local drinking establishment. It was there that I concluded the mystery of the shagging at work story by finding out who the culprits were. It cames as quite a suprise as to who the male counterpart was. And then I also found out about the shagging in the disabled toilet at St Stephens Tavern story and who was involved in that. All I can say was that she was a regular frequenter of the Sports and Social.
It seems as though Pickle and her mate managed to talk to each other. I suspect that it was more of a step to a path in the right direction more than anything else. It sounds positive and very much in line with the christmas spirit. And speaking of spirits; is why I am feeling so awful. But there was a reason behind it.
Second reason for feeling like poo. My good mates wedding. Decision made. Will not go. Best wishes to Sweetie. Hope all goes well...
Lastly, when will they make owning and firing a gun in public at over enthusiastic road workers who insist on firing up an angle grinder at 7.30am???? Is that legal? And the thing that really, really pisses me off is that while I have been reading other peoples blogs from about 9.30am until now, there has not been a peep from the f**kers!! Basta*ds! W*nkers! I very nearly saw red. Never have I been so close to clumping worker on the head.
p.s. It took me five attempts to spell deliberately correctly. Probably suggests that I had five drinks to many.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
This Life
Does anyone remember "This Life". BBC2 night time telly was never better. Ten years ago the Beeb introduced us to a drama about a bunch twenty something year olds and the trials and tribulations of being an adult, being gay, having affairs, finding jobs etc. Sounds like sh*t boring stuff when put on paper. But with the quick camera work and some direct, honest threaded plots made for exciting viewing.
What was I doing at 22? I was doing pretty much the same as some of the characters in the drama series. Just out of university, having to cope with real grown up things, bills, rent, social life, bad relationship and so on. It had amazing appeal to anyone fitting a certain profile. That being pretty much everyone of that age that I knew. It was a show to talk about. The best bit of the entire two series? Of course it has to be the punch up at the wedding where Milly's secret affair gets found out. Cracking stuff!
So the BBC are doing a reunion special on the 2nd of January 2007. Will it be any good? For those who never saw the original, I'd say don't bother watching it. You wouldn't know what's going on. There was a certain intimacy with the viewer with each episode that for some one "on the outside" wouldn't understand. For those that did like myself, I suspect that it'll be good viewing but perhaps will have lost some of that sparkle of ten years ago. But hey I guess some of the sparkle I had ten years ago seems to have matured (not faded as was the first word that popped into my head).
Timing
I woke up this morning a little strange. As if yesterday hadn't actually happened. I appreciate that no such thing as that really happens. You can't deny history. Upon waking, you know, that stage where you're just at that twilight point of dreaming and awake, these words were spoken in my mind, "don't wait until its too late". I think I know what it means......
Have there ever been moments where you have been not quite brave enough or had the courage to just say what you think or feel to someone for fear of getting a response which not quite what you hoped for? Just enough hesitation not to say what you want to? Consuming too much alchohol that you might hope that those words come out accidentally but don't? So time goes by and that opportunity is lost? Perhaps that's what those words mean.
Have there ever been moments where you have been not quite brave enough or had the courage to just say what you think or feel to someone for fear of getting a response which not quite what you hoped for? Just enough hesitation not to say what you want to? Consuming too much alchohol that you might hope that those words come out accidentally but don't? So time goes by and that opportunity is lost? Perhaps that's what those words mean.
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Balls as Big as Asteroids.
Not exactly the Profumo affair...
Who'dve guessed it old that old party animal hopeless Lembit smooching with one hit wonder and one half of the Cheeky Girls Gabriela. I feel sorry for Sian Lloyd although a couple of mates of mine who have met both Hopeless and Sian suggested that they were as bad as each other and that perhaps their personalities off screen matched that of a hippo with constipation. These TV personality types, Pah! As for Hopeless, I've had first hand experience of his slightly arrogant alter ego. I digress.
So it looks like the Sports and Social may indeed be graced once again by Hopeless and his new bit of crumpet soon enough.
One most amusing bit of the interview with Sian was her following observation of the House of Commons:
"Lembit is a real barfly and there's a massive drinking culture in the House of Commons. The drinking is beyond what most people would even begin to comprehend. It is hard core."
No shit love! I'd never have guessed it.....
Look a likey?
I was watching something on the telly the other week and both of these people appeared on screen one after the other and surely enough they could have passed off as each other. In the cold light of day, I'm not so sure. These pictures don't quite do justice, but perhaps in motion...they could be one and the same.
Maraca's
Why does the word maraca's sound a little rude? Or could it be because of my staple diet of Benny Hill and Carry On Movies?
"That's a fine pair of maracas you have?" - Is that rude? Or simply a complement to a fine set of musical instruments from a prehistoric Moroccan origin.
Also known as Rhumba Shakers - Even worse.....or I have a filthy mind.
Stalker again....
Yes. I'm still not worried about this lady rather obssessed with me. This time a phone call at 4.27am. As luck would have it I was out having a couple of lemonades with 2darts senior, Ma 2darts and Guiness (family friend). Having consumed copious amounts while listening to the local singing talent, "Black Elvis", I got home for some urgently needed zzzzz's. I anticipated a peaceful sleep and the phone rings. No way! 4.27am! Stalker! Damn.
Speaking of Black Elvis who captures all the knee jerking epileptic fit simulating crazy kind of dancing in all its original glory, the music was a little loud for the size of the pub. I mentioned this to my mate Guiness to which the response was, so that people outside would hear it and then might be enticed in to coming in for drinks and amusement. If that were true then it really would be a honey trap of some magnitude. Whilst the regulars are slowly becoming deaf, the people outside are oblivious to this damaging effect. Initially they would walk in with the delight of seeing Elvis gyrating and swinging his hips and they'd buy a drink, after which they might comment a little about the volume of the music to each other. A few drinks later, they may glance to the sound engineer as if to hint at turning the music down. A few more after that they can't hear a word. At all. Next time I'll bring in the ear plugs.
Another theory could be that the owners of the pub are a little hard of hearing. As they make the judgement call, they have the last word.....and Elvis too.
A great night though made all the more amusing by the loud music promoting misunderstandings, mis-hearing, missing my mouth with the beer. Oh, and speaking Beerglish by the end of the night.
Speaking of Black Elvis who captures all the knee jerking epileptic fit simulating crazy kind of dancing in all its original glory, the music was a little loud for the size of the pub. I mentioned this to my mate Guiness to which the response was, so that people outside would hear it and then might be enticed in to coming in for drinks and amusement. If that were true then it really would be a honey trap of some magnitude. Whilst the regulars are slowly becoming deaf, the people outside are oblivious to this damaging effect. Initially they would walk in with the delight of seeing Elvis gyrating and swinging his hips and they'd buy a drink, after which they might comment a little about the volume of the music to each other. A few drinks later, they may glance to the sound engineer as if to hint at turning the music down. A few more after that they can't hear a word. At all. Next time I'll bring in the ear plugs.
Another theory could be that the owners of the pub are a little hard of hearing. As they make the judgement call, they have the last word.....and Elvis too.
A great night though made all the more amusing by the loud music promoting misunderstandings, mis-hearing, missing my mouth with the beer. Oh, and speaking Beerglish by the end of the night.
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Mobile Messaging and technology
My job allows me the pleasures of experimenting/playing with new technology. I like my job a lot. Not a lot of people can say the same. The people I work with are great professionals and top chaps and chapesses.
Mobile technology has made us pretty much contactable nearly one hundred percent of the time. I was contacted last night just after midnight by my friendly stalker and a little later by someone at close to 2.00am. You can be contactable whilst shopping, out walking, in the gym, at meetings, in the library, at a doctors surgery, having a bath, taking a sh*t, self pleasuring or pleasuring another. I think you might be beginning to understand where I'm going with this.
It is comforting to know that you can contact someone almost at anytime of the day and for others to know that you are contactable. However there comes a time that one just wants that privacy away from email, telephone calls, text messaging etc and even snail mail. Where can we go ? What do we do about it? Someone once said of wearing a faraday cage wherever you go. Not a bad idea. But by doing that you'd draw much more attention to yourself. Not so good.
I just had a vision of the future where escape from being audited electronically is part of being born, where peoples mouths will be so small from lack of vocal communication and that food would be drip fed rather than chewed as people simply won't have time as everyone will be addicted to communication by plugging themselves in. People won't need to groom or wash themselves as their virtual counterparts will do all the flirting and procreation they need. The act of walking/exercise will be simulated by muscle agitators much like the ones that are on sale for toning your stomach muscles. Daylight only by UV light. Such will the need be for powering such technology that every natural resource on the planet will have nearly been consumed and human beings will have been sufficiently genetically modifed to breathe an air substitute or dual atmospheres much like duel fuel cars that we have at the moment.
Scary.
Pnuematic drill now outside my window. What a Saturday this turning out to be!
Mobile technology has made us pretty much contactable nearly one hundred percent of the time. I was contacted last night just after midnight by my friendly stalker and a little later by someone at close to 2.00am. You can be contactable whilst shopping, out walking, in the gym, at meetings, in the library, at a doctors surgery, having a bath, taking a sh*t, self pleasuring or pleasuring another. I think you might be beginning to understand where I'm going with this.
It is comforting to know that you can contact someone almost at anytime of the day and for others to know that you are contactable. However there comes a time that one just wants that privacy away from email, telephone calls, text messaging etc and even snail mail. Where can we go ? What do we do about it? Someone once said of wearing a faraday cage wherever you go. Not a bad idea. But by doing that you'd draw much more attention to yourself. Not so good.
I just had a vision of the future where escape from being audited electronically is part of being born, where peoples mouths will be so small from lack of vocal communication and that food would be drip fed rather than chewed as people simply won't have time as everyone will be addicted to communication by plugging themselves in. People won't need to groom or wash themselves as their virtual counterparts will do all the flirting and procreation they need. The act of walking/exercise will be simulated by muscle agitators much like the ones that are on sale for toning your stomach muscles. Daylight only by UV light. Such will the need be for powering such technology that every natural resource on the planet will have nearly been consumed and human beings will have been sufficiently genetically modifed to breathe an air substitute or dual atmospheres much like duel fuel cars that we have at the moment.
Scary.
Pnuematic drill now outside my window. What a Saturday this turning out to be!
Good Morning.
Bed early last night. Early'ish this morning waking up to Goldfrapp. What a pleasant experience indeed. Although now hearing someone hack-sawing through something. Just a little something to taint the mood. Now the phone ringing. Is it me or can I see a dark storm cloud approaching rapidly? Oh well.
Living in London IS about tolerance. I think some of the most tolerant people must live in London other than small towns and villages that are central to tourist attractions. They must have a hell of a time of it.
Hack-saw is getting louder. The chap down stairs is re-decorating the flat. He doesn't live there. He's preparing the flat to rent it out. Why he cannot do this sort of thing during the week is beyond me. He is there during the week as well.
SHUT THAT NOISE UP!!!!!
Living in London IS about tolerance. I think some of the most tolerant people must live in London other than small towns and villages that are central to tourist attractions. They must have a hell of a time of it.
Hack-saw is getting louder. The chap down stairs is re-decorating the flat. He doesn't live there. He's preparing the flat to rent it out. Why he cannot do this sort of thing during the week is beyond me. He is there during the week as well.
SHUT THAT NOISE UP!!!!!
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